A day in the life
by MyLan Graz
Summary: Days in Tony and Michelle's lives. Mixed up order. FLASHBACKS ARE UNDERLINED.
1. Picking up the pieces?

**A DAY IN THE LIFE** – _The Beatles_

**Chapter 1 – Picking up the pieces?**

_Picking Up the Pieces_, 2000 – Starring Kiefer Sutherland as Bobo

**A – A day in Michelle's life**

**BILL**

Maybe it was my conscience.

Maybe it was the fact that she was drunk and I wasn't far behind and I wanted it to be special, not a one night hook-up.

It probably was what she said. Had she not said that we probably would have had sex. Or maybe not.

Of course, what she said shouldn't have bothered me: she was asleep and dreaming. Hell, what am I talking about? It did bother me… A LOT.

At exactly ten past eleven, I put the key in the lock of my apartment. In my head, it was all clear. Michelle Dessler was drunk; so was I: it was my chance to score with her. I never was greedy or cheap with women but this was Michelle. MICHELLE. Michelle that I had been charmed by the moment she walked into the office wearing a white shirt and a blue skirt (I even remember what color her necklace was). Michelle that took me four months to convince to come out with me. Michelle whose husband was famous for risking thousands of citizens' lives to save her. But that last thought was way out of my mind by the time we entered the apartment.

I turned on the light as she struggled to take off her shoes.

"I'll get you something to drink?" I said or rather asked.

She shrugged. "If you want."

I practically ran into the kitchen and tried to make the coolest, most aphrodisiac drink ever. It indeed took me quite some time.

It took me so much time that when I came out Michelle had fallen over the arm rest of the couch and was asleep.

My first thought was major disappointment. Then a small part of me I'm very ashamed of now said: "Hey Bill. She's asleep. She'll let you do what you need." So I put down the martinis on the coffee table and picked her up in my arms with every intention of bringing her into my bedroom and making hot, passionate love to her.

Well. God sure must not like me.

The moment I started walking towards the hallway, she started snuggling against me and mumbling weird stuff.

"William (my full name), don't wear a green tie (which was exactly what I was wearing)."

_Hey_ I thought. _This isn't going to be so hard._

Wrong! I don't think I would have hurt more if she ripped out my heart of my chest and threw it on the floor before stamping on it with stiletto heals (Not that I've ever seen her wear stiletto heels. Yeah, I'm that desperate). The next things she said almost made me drop her on the floor (fortunately for her, I didn't)

"No, not oatmeal… I love you too Tony."

Damn. That bloody hurt, god damn it, fucking hell. Yes, as you can see, that made me want to swear my head off. But I didn't. All I did was stop for a moment before I opened my bedroom door and put her under the covers.

And I closed the door, shattering all my plans of blue-eyed (me), curly haired (her) babies that I thought would soon populated my (our) house.

**MICHELLE**

I was so afraid of what would happen when I entered Bill's apartment. I was not ready for this (I don't think I'll ever be). Bill was nice but he was not sexy (Tony was but that's another story). Okay, even if he had been sexy, he was not Tony. Nobody was. And, as much as I hated him, I needed him more than ever. That's why I accepted to go on this date. Only, I didn't know I would end up here.

"I'll get you something to drink?" asked Bill awkwardly as if he was afraid of scaring me away.

"If you want." I really didn't care.

_Ah!_ I tossed my too tight shoes in the entrance not really caring what Bill what think. I was drunk and I had every right to have it my way.

Okay maybe not.

But, anyways… I entered the dimly lit living room and looked at the well assorted furniture.

_Tony's furniture never matched._

"Yeah," I thought bitterly. "You had to match it for him, that's how useless and idiotic he is. Now shut up: you're with Bill now."

But I didn't listen to me. It's a good thing I fell asleep or I would have been fighting with my inner conscience all night.

I don't remember being that tired. I just know I leaned against a couch and next thing I knew I was in a hammock. Then, it started raining and Bill appeared wearing nothing a green tie. He was smiling mischievously and tried to kiss me but, stupid me, I found nothing better to say than: "William (which was his real name, I had read it in his file), don't wear a green tie." Which could mean two things. One- Take of your clothes or rather your cloth or Two- I'm so freaked out by this that I have nothing better to say. I think it was the latter. Bill then started literally sobbing and threw carrots at me. I tried to say sorry but it wouldn't come out. What happened afterward convinced me that the moment I "landed in a hammock", I was dreaming. Or having a nightmare.

What happened afterward made me want to cry. Or laugh. Or both. (I was having a lot of dilemmas that night) Bill faded away and Tony appeared. He was wearing a black shirt with rolled up sleeves and the two top buttons detached… the way he always wore it. (You think after all that happened to me I would forget stupid details like that but, no, I forget dentist appointments instead) He came into the hammock with me and whispered in my ear: "I'll make you oatmeal." My first thought was _What? You haven't seen me for eight months and all you can say is that you're going to make me oatmeal?_ So I answered angrily: "No, not oatmeal!" And then I heard something I had been waiting for so long. Or had been not waiting for so long. (whatever, you get the idea) He said "I love you." Like he loved me. Like he and me equal love. Like _love_ love. Not _father daughter_ love. (maybe he did mean that but I don't think so…) The words came out of my mouth as fast as a rocket (nice metaphor considering the circumstances)

"I love you too Tony."

**B – A day in Tony's life**

**TONY**

I hated nights. Yeah, I also hated days but I hated nights the most. Nights meant no sleep. Nights meant remembering. Nights meant thinking of Michelle while Jen slept soundly next to me.

_Damn you Michelle. Leave me alone._

Of course, it wasn't her fault I was always thinking of her. It was mine.

It was during one of those sleepless nights that it came to me… One of those weird souvenirs I was always trying to forget.

It happened during the first night Michelle slept at my apartment. Michelle was asleep next to me and I was watching her, thinking how lucky I was to have her. Before I could even stop it from coming out, I asked the most stupid question ever.

"What's your favourite movie, Michelle?"

I thought she would continue sleeping or better, wake up and slap me out. But she didn't. She snuggled up to me and answered in a sleepy voice:

"American Beauty."

That took me by surprise: both her reaction and her answer. "Oh. Okay…"

"Why?"

"I just wanted to know."

By then, she was fully awake. "You're so funny… and cute."

I smiled. "Thank you, thank you."

"What about you?"

"Me what?"

"Your favourite movie."

"The Godfather."

"How come?"

But it was too late. I was the one asleep.

I don't know why I did it but that night I shook Jen from her sleep. She mumbled curse words and when she finally did wake up, she looked ready to claw my eyes out.

"What do you want Tony?"

She looked so hostile I had a bad feeling about asking her so I shut up. "Nothing. Never mind."

She sighed. "What is it, Tony?"

"What… What's your favourite movie?"

"What?"

"I told you, never mind."

"YOU WOKE ME UP FOR THAT?" She fell back onto her pillow.

"I'm sorry."

"Whatever."

The saddest part of it all was that we were way past the definition of first date. I don't think I ever found out what her favourite movie was.


	2. Stolen Miracles

**Hey everyone!**

**I realize it's maybe easier for you guys if I tell you which chapter happens when. So, last chapter happened between season 3 and season 4 after Tony and Michelle divorced. This chapter happens right after season 3.**

**Enjoy my dears!**

**My Lan Graz. :-D**

**PS: By the way, in case you didn't notice, all the chapter names are movies that had _24_ actors in them and no, I did not see these movies nor do I have any intention of seeing them: I got the info from IMDb. So, if the info is inaccurate, sorry!**

**A DAY IN THE LIFE** – _The Beatles_

**Chapter 2 – Stolen Miracle**

_Stolen Miracle_, 2001 – Starring Leslie Hope as Sergeant Jane McKinley

**A – A day in Michelle's life**

**MICHELLE**

I tried. I really tried. But I couldn't. I just couldn't get in. It was obviously too big for me.

The bed stood motionless in the middle of the room and I could almost hear it taunting me to jump in and bury myself under layers of covers before falling into a blissful sleep and never waking up. But, no matter what the bed "said", I could not get in. It was as if an unknown force was holding me back. Even if someone held a gun at my head, I wouldn't have been able to jump into the bed. This bed was made for Tony and me. Not just me. Not just Tony. Call me a basket-case. Call me a crazy nut. I thought of myself as a broken soul.

_Broken…_ Like the day I broke Tony's mug. And not just any mug. HIS mug.

The morning of our wedding. I am nervous. No, I am ecstatic. So what if it is a small wedding? So what if we have less than a dozen people invited? This is the beginning of the end of my life. Or the end of the beginning of my life. Or whatever.

I wake up at six. I decide to surprise Tony by making him breakfast in bed.

Bad idea.

I burn the toast, spill the milk, drop the cereal and squash an orange.

_Well. I guess he'll have to settle for coffee only._

Apparently not. Even that I fuck up. 

It starts simple. Wait for the machine to heat up. Put the mug under the jet. Press on the button. Add some milk. Tada! Now we can take the coffee on a tray to the bedroom.

But noooo! I forgot about the milk on the floor and what happens now? I slip and drop the tray! Which makes a big **BANG**, then a **SPLASH** and finally a **TZING**! In other words, the tray falls to the floor, the coffee spills out from the mug and the mug shatters to pieces!

_Oh no… Please…_

But it's no use. Even though I didn't look at the mug I took, I know it is THE mug.

Obviously, all the noise wakes up Tony and he, knight in shining armour that he is, comes running to my rescue.

"What happened, baby?"

I am so shocked I can't speak. Then he looks at the burnt toast, the spilled milk and coffee, the dropped cereal, the squashed orange, the fallen tray and the shattered mug. And he laughs.

"How can you laugh?" I can't believe it. I broke HIS mug. The mug takes to work every day. The mug he drinks coffee out of every morning. The mug he loves so much he puts it with the wine glasses.

In between breaths, he utters a "Honey, please don't do try to make breakfast without my help ever again."

"But… What about your mug?"

He scoops me up. "Who cares?"

By then, I was literally sobbing.

"FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU!"

The question though was fuck who?

Fuck Hammond for arresting the love of my life.

Fuck Jack for having this whole undercover operation tear us apart.

Fuck Saunders (yes, fuck Saunders!) for making my husband commit treason to save me.

Fuck those fucking people for making this fucking virus.

Fuck Kim for having lost so much today and still having Chase (minus a hand).

Fuck God for making this day the worst day of my life.

But most of all, fuck Tony. Fuck Tony for loving me so much. Fuck Tony for him being willing to risk everything for me.

"FUCK YOU, TONY! I HATE YOU!" Sobs echoed through the silent apartment.

"I HATE SO MUCH!" Rain poured down the glass windows.

"WHY? WHY DID YOU DO THIS TO ME?" Life was continuing. For everyone but me.

Can you love someone so much that anytime they hurt themselves you feel like you hate them? "I love you so much baby. I love you so much."

Needless to say, I slept on the sofa that night.

**KIM**

Maybe it wasn't such a good idea. The moment I parked the car I knew this was a very BAD idea. If this had happened to me, I wouldn't want some annoying, blond co-worker who just happens to be the daughter of my husband's best friend to come and stand awkwardly in the doorway while I'm screaming bloody murder that life's not fair. (not that that's what Michelle thinks of me but I don't think she would have appreciated my company at that moment)

I probably should have left at that moment. But a little voice in me reminded me that I came here for a reason and that I had to do what I had come for. So I grabbed my umbrella and locked the car before running to the Almeida household (could you still call it the Almeida household now that Tony was most certainly spending his life in jail?).

I decided to take this the gentle way. I gave a few subtle knocks on the door

Obviously that didn't work.

Then, I rang the doorbell. Once. Pause. A second time. Pause. A third time. Pause.

_Okaaaaaaaaaaay… This is SUCH a bad idea._

But, before I could even walk away, something I heard stopped me. Was it screaming? Curse words? I know the whole scenario I had imagined earlier had involved her throwing vases against the wall but I didn't expect her to actually become like this. The Michelle I knew never cursed. Heck, she was always so happy and smiling.

I started panicking. What is she got suicidal or something? I tried ringing the doorbell several times before I saw it. The note.

_Stupid me._ I should have noticed it before.

_Sorry! The doorbell isn't working. Please knock very hard. If we don't answer, we're probably not there or… busy. : ) Tony and Michelle._

That was so… cute. But it didn't really matter anymore So I knocked and did what every person does in a movie when they desperately want to open a locked door: I tried the doorknob. Somehow, it opened. Now that I think about it, Michelle was probably too distraught to lock the door after her.

The fact she forgot to lock her door wasn't what shocked me the most. What I saw broke my heart in two. Michelle was in a little ball on the floor, crying.

"I love you so much baby. I love you so much," she whispered.

Oblivious to my presence, she got up, tossed her shoes on the living room rug and went straight to sleep on her sofa. All that with me watching her.

At first, I felt awkward as if I had spied on her having an intimate moment. Then, a tear slipped down my cheek. I closed the front door and ran to my car, leaving my umbrella on the front porch. I started crying like I hadn't since my mother died.

Too much had happened today. Too much was lost. Too much was forgotten. Too much was taken away from us.

But, in the end, I was lucky. I had Chase, who was going to be okay. I had my dad, who I loved even if though he was going through a rough period. I had a whole life ahead of me.

I left. Michelle didn't need me. No one could help her. She needed Tony and it was up to that single man in a black robe to decide whether she would get him or not. I think that was the last time I ever saw her (a few weeks later, Chase and I moved to Valencia with Angela).

It was only as I was a block away from my apartment I realised I had forgotten to lock her door.

**B – A day in Tony's life**

**JACK**

"What? No, no, no! I am not doing this!"

Brad glared at me. "Listen, Bauer. You have enough trouble right now so I advise you to follow my orders and do as I say. Now are you going to interrogate him or am I going to have to fire you?"

_Fire me? Ha. You wish._ But I knew he would do it if he had to. As much as this office once needed me, I knew they would dispose of me if I gave them any trouble. I was wasted, an addict, a _druggie_. What use did I have to them now?

So, without a word, I started walking towards the holding room where they kept Tony. I tried to get angry at him. If I wanted to do this right, I couldn't get all mushy over him. I thought of how he sent my daughter in the field. How he said I had not learn anything from Teri's death. How he had managed to save his wife from the dangers of this job… and I had not.

For a moment, it almost worked. I was pretty angry at him. In a way, I felt he was better than me. Or that he thought he was better than me.

_Ha ha. Screw you Tony. You're going to jail._

That was what I was trying to make myself believe. It wasn't how I really felt. But, for the moment, I had no choice if I wanted to keep my job.

Though, when I entered the room, all my good intentions of keeping my job flew out the window.

There he was, chained to his chair, staring into space. He was right in front of me. But he just wasn't… there.

"Tony?" I asked hoarsely.

He looked at me with empty eyes. You know… It's like looking at a blank wall that once was filled with many colourful graffiti. And somehow, you know it'll never be the same again. Those graffiti were washed away. You'll never see them again.

But, somehow, I knew I would see the old Tony again. I had too.

**TONY**

If someone came and told me they were going to kill me, I wouldn't care. Seriously.

When Saunders showed me the video of Michelle, I was scared.

When I called Baker to make him move his team, I was scared.

When I deleted the satellite frames, I was scared.

When I kidnapped Jane Saunders to make the exchange, I was scared.

When the exchange happened, I was scared shitless.

But, at that moment, sitting in the holding room, I wasn't scared anymore. I did what I had to. Maybe it was a wrong decision. But it was too late to regret it now.

I didn't even look up when Jack came in.

_Fuck you Jack. This is all your fault._ Even though I knew I would have done the same thing had he been in my place.

He looked surprised seeing me in the state I was. "Tony?"

I looked up at him and almost laughed. _Yes, that's me. Tony, traitor to my country. Tony, dangerous criminal. Call me what you want. But don't forget the one thing I really am: Tony, the husband who would do anything to save his wife._

And, it was then that I knew my answer. No, it was not the wrong decision. No, I did not regret it. And maybe that was what scared me the most. Maybe that really made me a criminal.

I hereby swear to dedicate my life to protecting this country.

_Had the love of my life not been threatened by a psychotic terrorist._

"But that would be an acceptable loss, wouldn't it be, Jack?"

_I would be an acceptable loss. Jack would be an acceptable loss. Even Kim would be an acceptable loss. But Michelle would never be an acceptable loss to me._

"I won't give up on you."

_Maybe you haven't, baby. But I know I have_.

Yes, I really was a cold-blooded criminal. Finally I spoke up.

"Jack, let's cut the crap. Brad sent you here to make me talk. Well, let me talk now. I did what I had to do. No, I don't regret it. Yes, I'm willing to go to jail. And you know what? If I had to do it again, I would. I really would."


	3. Three Dollars

**I just realised I forgot the disclaimer for the first two chapters so…**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own _24_, I do not own the Beatles, I do not own anything in the story except of course the story.**

**The following takes place right before season 1. Events do not occur in real time. :-)**

**A DAY IN THE LIFE** – _The Beatles_

**Chapter 3 – Three Dollars**

_Three Dollars,_ 2005 – Starring Sarah Wynter as Amanda

**MICHELLE**

_Today_, I decided before even opening my eyes, _is not a good day._

That thought came to me when I reached next to me and felt three one dollar bills.

I opened my eyes and stared blankly at the money. I saw a note next to it and decided I would read it later.

_I'm not going to cry. I am NOT going to cry._

The three dollars came from Michael. Three dollars started the relationship.

They also ended it.

_You say it could happen any day. You just never thought today would be the day._

**TONY**

In the middle of the night, I woke up only to find out it wasn't night: it was 7 in the morning.

I often made that mistake, working night shifts. Night had become my day and vice-versa.

I groggily got up and closed the shades before lying back down. On the other side of the bed, a woman mumbled and reached out to grab my arm.

I smiled. "Hey…"

She grumbled something along the lines of "Is it time to wake up yet?"

I responded to her question by flipping on my stomach and kissing her.

She immediately got the message and returned the fervour.

Unfortunately, having just come back from her business trip, she managed a few kisses before drifting off once more.

I chuckled. "I missed you too, Nina."

**MICHELLE**

_Nice Chelle. You look reaaal sexy._

I looked at my reflection in the mirror, unpleased by the reddish blotches the scalding shower water had left all over my body. This was the result of an effort to erase Michael's touch from my skin.

Grabbing the moisturizer from the pharmaceutical shelf, I wobbled back towards the bedroom, today's bad news suddenly draining me.

_Fine. Let's get this over with._

Carefully, I opened the note Michael had left me.

_Michelle,_

_If you're reading this, you probably have noticed I left kind of early this morning. No, you're smart, I'm sure you know I left because _(the next words were scribbled, as if Michael wanted to get the bad news done and over with)_ it's just not working. I mean, it's not your fault. It's my fault and it's ablso your work. You're always working and I wonder if... Anyways, if you ever want to talk or something, you know you can call me. You have my number._

_I'm really sorry._

_Love (well you know what I mean), Michael_

_PS: Did you find the three dollars:-D_

I crumpled the letter and threw it on the floor.

_Fucking coward. Doesn't even have the decency to do it in my face. And he thinks three fucking dollars are going to make a difference?_

But then I remembered the smiley face at the end of the letter. As if it was going to make me feel better. Instead, it made me cry.

How a man I didn't love in the first place made me cry is a mystery to me. I just couldn't imagine what a man I loved could actually do to me.

**TONY**

After several attempts of falling asleep, I finally got up from bed. I walked silently across the room, taking a single glimpse of Nina before closing the door behind me.

_God. She's beautiful._

I put on my coat and stepped out of the apartment. After much deliberation, I decided to go to a café where I could get fresh ground coffee that would wake me up.

On my way there, I crossed a jewellery store. Unable to resist the urge, I slipped in.

_It's only for a few minutes. Maybe you'll find something for Ma._

But, deep down inside, I knew I wasn't really here for my mother.

**MICHELLE**

At work, things were unusually calm. That left me some 'alone time' to think. Until, of course, Carrie came barging in my office.

_Uh Oh. Someone doesn't look too happy._

"Michelle!"

I fought to keep my temper under control. "Yes Carrie?"

She started rambling on and on about an assignment I was supposed to print for her but that I had forwarded to her instead and so on and so forth…

I interrupted her. "Carrie?"

"What, Michelle?"

"Do you make my life a living hell for fun?"

She looked at me for a moment then smiled sweetly. "Michelle, you're making your own life a living hell."

_That's it,_ I thought. _It's time for a change of scenery._

**CARRIE**

"Do you make my life a living hell for fun?"

I looked at Michelle.

_Do I make your life a living hell for fun? Hmm… Good question._

"Michelle, you're making your own life a living hell." I paused. "Oh and by the way, next time you talk to me like that, I'll have to talk to Mr. Hammond about 'unacceptable behaviour' from one of my subordinates. We'll see what he thinks about that." With those final words and a small wink, I left her hanging there.

_God, I love my job!_

**TONY**

The cold cappuccino sat in front of me, untouched. The truth was, I was too ecstatic about my last purchase to actually swallow anything. Fumbling in my pocket, I reached for the small black box. I opened it and smiled at the silver bracelet lying erect on the velvet bottom.

When I had entered the store, I wasn't quite sure where I was going with this. As far as I was concerned, Nina was not the jewellery type and we had never actually given each other presents aside from the occasional date. We were more of the 'bed' type, if you know what I mean.

But, at that moment, I felt I was ready for more. I thought a silver bracelet would maybe change our relationship into something… more. Something better, maybe.

I grinned to myself and took a sip of cappuccino…

Only to spit it back out. I hadn't realised my cappuccino had become undrinkable.

A couple of clients in the café frowned at me as if I was a hoodlum or had no manners as I smiled at them, embarrassed.

_Time to go back home and get a bit of sleep. We have a big day ahead of us._

At the moment I had thought that, I had no idea how big the day would actually turn out to be.

**MICHELLE**

The rest of the day passed slowly. As soon as I was done, I rushed out, wanting to avoid any conversation with Carrie or Hammond concerning my 'unacceptable behaviour'.

Driving back home, my thoughts went back to Michael.

Michael had been my boyfriend of three months. Around three weeks before the final split, things had started getting bad between us. The three dollars in all of this?

We met in a café when I lent him money one day for coffee. I knew, of course, that he would never give my money back but, hey, I was in a good mood and the guy obviously needed his caffeine. Next thing you know, he had somehow found me and was waiting for me in front of my apartment when I came back from work. And the rest, as they say, is history.

At first, I was really happy to have met a decent guy. He searched for me all over the city just to give me back my money (I suspected he had other motives) though as soon as we hooked up (which, really, wasn't that much later), I insisted that he not repay his debt. He probably thought he could move on just like that by leaving me a note with his repaid money.

_Guess he isn't that decent. He's just like every other guy on this planet._

**NINA**

When I woke up, I felt very disoriented. Last thing I remembered, I was in Seattle. Afterwards, I got into the plane and then…

_Am I in the plane?_

I squinted in the darkness. Suddenly, it came to me.

_Ah. I'm back home._

I rolled over and, stumbling over Tony, checked the clock.

_Hmm… It's only eight. Wait, eight? EIGHT! Shit!_

I shook Tony.

"Mmm, not yet."

"It's eight, Tony! Come on, up!" I slapped him and he finally woke up.

"What? Already?"

I frowned at him. "I should be the one asking you this. I told you to wake me up!"

In less than five minutes, we were out of bed and getting dressed. I was buttoning my shirt when Tony came over, kissed my shoulder delicately and hugged me from behind.

"Mmm, after work, Tony," I said, knowing perfectly my 'after work' would be in Germany and his, who knows?

**TONY**

The ride to work was uneventful. I kept on glancing at Nina's car, which was right in front of me. I thought of the bracelet again, glad I had left it home. If I had lugged it around with me at work, I might have not been able to resist giving it to her right on the spot and kissing her in front of everyone. And, god knows that was the last thing we wanted. Or, at least, the last thing she wanted. And that was the most important thing to me at the time.

At work, it was the usual: boring, nothing really important going on for the moment, lots of stuff to do.

Around eleven thirty, I headed to the coffee room, looking through my pocket for some loose change only to find a few dollar bills.

_One… Two… Three. Enough for two coffees and a half._

Now, if only I could find a spare 75 cents in my wallet (a cup of coffee costs 1,25$)…

Suddenly, Nina stuck her head in.

"Tony, holding room one. Richard Walsh wants to see us."

_Damn._

That usually meant something bad was going on and that we were going to have a very long day. Sighing, I paid for one cup and started walking towards the conference room, coffee in hand, hoping today's threat wouldn't be too challenging.


	4. Dancing on the Moon

**The following takes place between season 2 and season 3. Events do not occur in real time.**

**(PS: I do not own _I am the cheese_ by Robert Cormier)**

**A DAY IN THE LIFE** – _The Beatles_

**Chapter 4 – Dancing on the Moon**

_Dancing on the Moon_, 1997 – Starring Elisha Cuthbert as Sarah

**TONY**

It had been quite some time since the last time I'd been here. Two, two and a half years? Last time had been for…

_Shut up._

Sighing, I pushed the front door open and entered the store. A young, considerably cute saleswoman I would have debated whether to invite to coffee or not (and would have chosen the second option) had it been a year and a half before came to assist me.

"Can I help you?"

"Um, no thanks. I already know what I'm buying."

And I did. Even though I hadn't set foot in the store, every time I passed it, I saw it in the display window.

It wasn't big, it wasn't overpriced, it wasn't shiny: it was perfect.

I slowly walked towards the end of the store. A woman was applying lipstick while looking in her pocket mirror.

"Wa wowen wease."

Assuming she meant 'One moment please', I answered, "Sure."

She rubbed her lips together and put her make-up stuff away. "Can I help you?"

_Obviously._ "Yes. I saw something in the display window the other day and I was wondering if you still had it…"

"Look in the glass case right here." She pointed at the case in front of her. "If it was in the window, it's here or it's been sold already."

I looked around.

_There._

When I pointed at it, she looked at me questioningly. "You know this is for…"

_No kidding._ I cut her off. "Yes, I know. But I'm kind of in a hurry so…"

"Of course." She smiled at me and packed it up really fast. Still, no wait had ever felt so long in my whole life.

"919 dollars and 99 cents."

I gave her my credit card. "Thanks a lot."

"No problem. Who's the lucky girl?"

With a big, goofy smile, I replied, "I'm the lucky guy."

**MICHELLE**

_I am riding the bicycle and I am on Route 31 in Mo…_

My cell phone started ringing. "Dessler."

"Hi Michelle. I'm really sorry to be bothering you but I need you at work tomorrow. Tony took a day off too so you have to replace him. I'm so sorry about this but you know he needs it…"

I didn't mention we were supposed to spend the day together (nobody knew about us yet). "Alright. At what time do I come in?"

"Well, since I ruined your day, is ten alright?"

"Ten is good."

"Sorry Michelle."

"It's okay Jack. See you."

I decided to 'forget' to mention this to Tony today unless he started on the subject. Putting down my cell phone, I picked up my book again.

_I am riding the bicycle and I am on Route 31 in Monument, Massachuss…_

Dring, dring.

_At least I got a word further than before._

"Dessler."

"Michelle?"

"Hi Dad."

"Sorry to bother you honey but Madeleine is going to her cottage this week-end and…"

"And…"

"She invited me to come with her."

"That's wonderful Dad!"

"Er yes."

"Er yes?"

"Oh, the hell with it. Sheila has nowhere to stay and I was wondering if…"

"No problem Dad, I'll take her." Even though I very much disliked cats, my father's more particularly.

_I am such a good person._

"Thank you so much honey! I'll bring her on Wednesday."

"Yeah, yeah. Have fun and say hi to Madeleine."

"Thanks, bye!"

_I am riding the bicycle and I am on Route 31 in Monument, Massachusetts, on my way to Rutterburg, Ver…_

You guessed it. The phone rang… AGAIN.

_If this is some more bad news, I am taking the elevator to the 13th floor and I am jumping from the building._

"Dessler."

Either my voice sounded harsh or Tony knew me too well. "Hey sweetheart. Am I bothering you?"

I smiled. "No, not at all. I've just been trying to read and people keep on calling me."

"What book are you reading?"

"_I am the cheese_…"

"…by Robert Cormier. I read that when I was in High School."

"So did I! And then, the other day, I was at the library and I took it to read it again."

"It's a good book, isn't it?"

"Yeah… So, what's up?"

"We still on for tonight?"

"Sure. Your place at seven, right?"

"Yeah. Well, I'll let you read now."

"Bye. I love you."

"I love you too."

I hung up, grinning. Then, I picked up my book once again and, crossing my fingers, hoped no one would interrupt me now.

_I am riding the bicycle and I am on route 31 in Monument, Massachusetts, on my way to Rutterburg, Vermont, and I'm pedaling furiously because this is an old-fashioned bike, no speeds, no fenders, only the warped tires and the brakes that don't always work and the handlebars with crackled rubber grips to steer with. A plain bike – the kind my father rode as a kid years ago. It's cold as I pedal along, the wind like a snake slithering up my sleeves and into my jacket and my pants leg, too. But I keep pedaling, I keep pedaling…_

**TONY**

_I love you so much. Will you marry me?_

No.

_Michelle, this last year has been… I don't know how to explain. Will you marry me?_

No.

_Michelle, you are the love of my life, the sun of my nights. I love you to death. Will you marry me?_

Absolutely not.

Discouraged, I called Jack. He would know what to do.

"Bauer."

"Jack, it's Tony."

"Hey. What's up?"

"I… Can you help me?"

I could almost see him grinning on the other side of the line. "This is about Michelle, isn't it? You better do your thing tonight. I told her she was working tomorrow so she doesn't suspect anything."

"I know, I know. But that's the problem. I don't know what to say."

"Come on, Tony. Go with the flow."

"THE FLOW? Here I am, in my kitchen, making pasta while trying to find different ways to propose to my girlfriend, each way more ridiculous than the other. And you want me to go with the flow?"

"It doesn't have to be complicated. When I asked… Teri," Jack paused. Teri's death was still affecting him.

Gently, I encouraged him. "Yeah, with Teri. What happened?"

"We were working on her uncle's farm. And, one day, I…"

"It's okay. You don't have to continue."

"No, I'm okay." He sighed and continued. "One day, we were in the barn fooling around."

Sensing a commentary of some kind from me, he added, "NO, not that kind of fooling around. Anyways, we were nineteen. In my head, I had this whole speech learnt by heart. But, when the moment came, I just snuggled up to her, opened the little box and said: 'Marry me, Teri.' She started smiling like crazy and said yes of course. Then, later on, we went skinny-dipping in her uncle's pond after dark. After that, we…"

Not wanting to here more, I hastily interrupted him. "Riiiiiight! Too many details, thank you."

Jack sounded taken aback. "Nothing happened that night. A few nights later though…"

"Thanks Jack! I think I'll be okay." I hung up before he could say anything that could make us both very uncomfortable. At work, Jack could be a total jerk (a jerk who knew his way around but still…). Everyone is a jerk when they're at work. But Jack had a very different personality outside of CTU. He was very goofy and fun. Since Teri's death and Nina's betrayal, we became much closer. And after the day of the bomb, our friendship grew even stronger. It was me who had told him he should ask Kate out on a date and him who, yes, at first, had cautioned me against Michelle but, since, had been helping me a lot with these romance things. I really sucked at that stuff so it was a relief having him as a friend.

Suddenly… "Damn it!" I had forgotten the pasta in the boiling water and, now, it was overcooked… the way both Michelle and I hated it.

"Shit, shit, shit!" I dumped the pasta into the garbage can and opened a new pack.

_Man! I have to start it all over again!_

Then, I realised something. Everything (not just the pasta) was starting anew. Was this what I wanted?

_Yes._

**MICHELLE**

If I had to choose the thing I liked the most about Tony's apartment, I wouldn't have been able to make a choice. Seriously! There were just so many things I loved about it. There was, of course, Tony living there. There were also other little things like waking up in the morning in his bed, falling asleep on his couch (and being carried by him back to the bedroom), stealing his towel from him when he came out from the shower, failing miserably when he tried to teach me how to make rice (Did I ever tell you how bad I am at cooking? I'm VERY bad, I suck. You don't even want to joke about it.)… And, when I stepped inside the apartment, I always felt safer, loved. Yes, I really loved his apartment.

In fact, I was secretly hoping he'd one day ask me to move in with him. Sadly, that day had not come yet (though he did give me a key, telling me I could come over whenever I wanted).

Having forgotten my key, as usual, I rang the doorbell and waited. While waiting, I looked at the little etiquette next to his doorbell.

_T. Almeida._

Wouldn't a _& M. Dessler_ have looked very nice next to it?

"Michelle?"

I pressed on the button of the intercom. "Yeah. It's me."

The door unlocked and I slipped in. I climbed up the stairs to the third floor.

_Apartment 303._

The door was half open. I walked in quietly and surprised Tony in a hug while he was setting the table.

He smiled. "Hey baby." He turned around and kissed me softly.

"Hi…" I grabbed the plates on the counter and helped him set up. "What did you do today?"

He paused one second too long. "Nothing."

"Uh huh and I'm the Queen of England."

"You are, you are. Did you finish your book?"

"Yeah but it still confuses me."

Tony put down the utensils and approached me. "What don't you understand?" he said in a husky voice.

"Um the boy. Adam. What really happened? Was his dad really in the hospital?"

"Maybe." He came closer.

"And the end. It's so brutal."

"Maybe." Even closer.

"_I can't…_," I stammered. "_I can't think of the name now and anyway I am too busy singing, and I hold Pokey the Pig close to me and I smile as I sing…_"

"_…because I know, of course, who I am, who I will always be._" Dangerously close. "_I am the cheese._" The remaining gap between our mouths disappeared.

After a while, I pulled away. "How do you know all of this?"

"The same way you do. When there's a line in a book I like, I write it down somewhere." He kissed me again.

"The food…" I said, breathless.

"Your point…"

I thought about it for a brief second. "I have no point. Kiss me."

And so he did.

**TONY**

By the time we came back to the dining room, the food was cold and the table was still not set.

_Damn._

I shouldn't have been surprised. Did I think that a fairy might appear from the sky and keep the food warm while setting the table for us?

Michelle appeared behind me and kissed my back. She had pulled back her hair from her face and was wearing a tee-shirt of mine and a pair of my boxers.

"You go heat up the food. I'll set the table."

I took the pasta plate and put in the oven before joining Michelle, who had finished setting the table, on the balcony.

For a long time, neither of us spoke. Finally, Michelle broke the silence.

"It's the full moon."

"Yeah. I'll probably turn into a werewolf and bite you."

She laughed softly. "It's beautiful out here."

I sat down on the lounge chair and motioned her to sit on me. She sat down and, for god knows how long, neither of us spoke.

I had fallen asleep for a few minutes when Michelle shook me from my sleep.

"Tony."

"Mmm?"

"Your pasta…"

"My pasta…"

"I think it's burning."

"Burning… Burning!"

Michelle got up and I ran to the kitchen… but it was too late.

"Shit!"

Michelle was laughing very hard. "Oh my god! This is too funny! I thought I was the bad cook here!"

I tried to look annoyed but failed miserably. I started grinning. "You haven't heard the best of it. It's the second time today I screw up the pasta."

"This is so sad! When we get married and have kids, they're going to die, poisoned by our meals." She paused for a moment before adding, "Knock on wood," and thumping on the wooden chair she was sitting on.

I wasn't sure if the 'Knock on wood' was about the getting married part or the poisoning. "Hey! It's the first time I burn my food! Today is just not my day, that's all…"

I sat down and pushed the salad bowl towards her. Smiling shyly, I said, "We have salad…"

She smiled and took both our salad plates. "Okay."

We ate in silence, all of our energy devoted to lifting the forks to our mouths. After we finished, I put the plates in the sink and decided I would take care of that tomorrow.

We sat down in the living room. Michelle cuddled next to me: it reminded me of Jack's story. I remembered the little velvet box on the coffee table right next to me, relieved Michelle hadn't noticed it yet. Somehow, at that moment, I knew that, no matter how cheesy my speech would be, no matter how stupid I would look, Michelle would say yes.

I smiled.

_Maybe today is my day, after all…_

**MICHELLE**

After a while, we got up from the couch and returned to the balcony, saying nothing. Tony was the first to speak up.

"Michelle?"

"Yeah?"

"You know, before, you were talking about getting married and having kids and poisoning them with your home-cooked meals?"

"Hey! With your over-cooked, burnt pasta, you mean."

"Fine, fine. With my pasta. But…" He hesitated and I let him take his time. "Did you mean all of that, the kids and married part?"

I paused for a moment. "Yeah. I mean, I guess so."

"So, if I ask you to marry me one day, you'll say yes?"

"Uh huh."

"What about if I asked you know?"

My heart started beating very fast. "As in, right now?"

"Uh yes."

I thought about it and answered. "I'd say 'Hell yeah' and jump into your arms." We both grinned. "Though I'm probably too tired to jump into your arms."

And, just like that, even though there hadn't been the big 'Will you marry me?' and the ecstatic 'YES!', Tony had proposed to me and I had accepted.

He took my hand and put the ring he had been fumbling with for some time but that I hadn't noticed until now on my fourth finger. I looked at it, smiling.

The ring was made of white gold and was as simple as it can get. No diamond, no design. But that was exactly what I wanted (and what Tony knew I wanted).

Within minutes, we were both asleep on the lounge chair.

That night, I had a really weird dream. I dreamt we were dancing on the moon. I guess, in a way, we really were.


	5. The not so Absolute Truth

**To the people who are reading this: Thank you! I hope you guys are enjoying this story:-D**

**The following takes place between season 3 and season 4 BEFORE the divorce. Events do not occur in real time. (This chapter is a compilation of seven mini-chapters)**

**PS: I do not own _Califonia Dreamin'_ by the Mammas and the Papas and _Mrs. Robinson_ by Simon and Garfunkel (just in case you made the connection between Michelle's anger against Cady's mom and the song)**

**A DAY IN THE LIFE** – _The Beatles_

**Chapter 5 – The not-so-Absolute Truth**

_The Absolute Truth_, 1997 – Starring William Devane as Senator Emmett Hunter

**A- The separation**

**MICHELLE**

_Over. It's over._

Something told me it was better just to leave a note and run like hell. But I didn't. I couldn't just leave without saying good-bye.

My eyes watered slightly. Good-bye? Was it really the end? The end. Bye bye. Chow chow. Adios.

I glanced at the beer bottles next to me.

_Yes, this is the end._

Blinking rapidly, I refused to cry.

_It's the only thing to do._

Or was it only what I tried to make myself believe?

To my relief/horror/disappointment/chagrin, Tony started stirring. He opened his eyes and looked at me, indifferent. I hoped he would maybe say something nice like 'Hey Beautiful' or at least 'Hi'.

Nope. "What?"

I took a deep breath and said, "I'm leaving, Tony."

_Oh god. I don't want to leave._

I continued, my voice wavering slightly. "I just can't live like… this."

_And I can't live without you. Maybe I'm the problem._

"I just wanted to tell you that I had such a good time with you."

_Not enough time._

I didn't really get a chance to continue. He got up and staggered towards the fridge. As if he hadn't heard a word I just said. I closed my eyes, embarrassed yet hurt at the same time. Then, not wanting him to see me like this, I got up, took my suitcase and left the house.

_The nightmare is over Michelle._

Or is it just starting?

**TONY**

Empty fruit bowl.

_A beer. I need a beer._

Stale loaf of bread.

_My kingdom for a beer!_

Curly-haired little girl.

_Gimme a beer, god damn it! I'll do anything, just get me a BEER!_

At that moment, I woke up and rolled off the couch.

_Ugh. What a weird dream._

"Ouch," I said out loud, half-aware no one was there to listen to me.

_Where's Michelle?_

I got up and picked up the picture frame I had knocked off the table with my fall.

_Nice picture_, I thought grimly. It was indeed a nice picture. A picture that came from the good times, before all of this, before _jail_. It was a picture of Michelle I had taken on one of our trips. This one was in Italy. She was reading and I told her to smile for the camera but she argued, saying she wasn't photogenic.

"Oh come on! If you're not photogenic, then I'm hideous."

She laughed at that. "Maybe you are. No, seriously. I hate pictures."

I put down the camera and went onto my knees. "Michelle Dessler, will you marry me?"

"Um sorry. I'm already married. My husband is coming home soon."

"Husband, schmusband. I bet he can't even cook!"

"He does, he cooks so well! Even better than me."

I rolled my eyes. "Oh yeah. That's so hard to beat."

She punched me in the arm. "Mr. Almeida! That is so rude. As if I have not been trying every single day of my life to cook one decent meal!"

"That what I'm here for, honey."

She gave me the 'dazzling, lovable Michelle Dessler Almeida' smile. "Nice try."

"Fine. Can I take a picture of you then?"

"I told you already, I'm…"

"You broke my heart already. The least you could do is let me take a picture!"

She sighed. "Fine. But this isn't a free for all. It'll be payback time soon."

Click.

Payback time turned out to be not so bad (I'll skip the details).

I put down the picture on the table and hoisted myself back onto the sofa. All night, I couldn't sleep in the too silent and empty house.

_The good times._

They were a long time from now and who knew when they would come be again?

**B – Month 1: Crash**

**MICHELLE**

"Michelle, this is so good! I cannot believe you finally learnt how to cook!"

I smiled at my friend Amber. "I had a lot of free time on my hands."

Amber laughed. "So you finally gave in to the cooking gods…"

"Yeah, it kind of became a necessity. When Tony went to jail…"

There was an awkward silence. We both stood up to put the dishes in the dishwasher. I sighed. "I didn't even get to show off for him. I know he would have been glad. Well, at least the _old_ him."

Amber took my hand in hers and smiled sadly. "You know you're always welcome here."

_Damn, don't make it so hard for me. I'd love to stay but we both know it's time I get a new place to stay. To stay ALONE._

"Thanks Amber. I just need time to think, to start anew."

"Suit yourself." She yawned. "I'm going to bed. Good night."

She gave me a peck on the cheek and walked to her room, shutting the door behind her. For a moment, I stayed alone, not knowing what the future held for me.

Half of me hoped it was a new life, away from my past, away from Tony. The other half of me hoped Tony would come storming through the door and take me home.

Suddenly, there was a knock at the front door.

_Oh my god._

I could hear Amber groaning and starting to get up. "I'll get it Amber." She mumbled a thanks.

I took a deep breath and walked towards the door.

"Oh hello. Is Amber there?"

I tried to say something but the words wouldn't come out. Finally, I let out a small reply. "She's sleeping."

The old woman in front of me looked at me, confused. "Oh. It's alright. I just wanted to give her back the Tupperware. She made these cookies and oh my…"

Bam. I shut the door. Then, I regretted it so I opened the door and apologised thoroughly to the poor lady for closing the door in her face. Fortunately, she was a very nice woman so she smiled and continued her speech about 'delicious cookies' and 'scrumptious brownies' as if I hadn't just slammed the door, interrupting our 'conversation', a few seconds ago. I smiled weakly and nodded every fifteen seconds so she would get the impression I was listening. Eventually, she got tired and shook my hand telling me I was 'a lovely lady' and that Amber was 'such a lucky girl' to have me. I thanked her but I didn't go back into the apartment until she was safely into hers. I stood there for several minutes, feeling embarrassed for my earlier assumptions of who was at the door even though I hadn't told anyone about them.

"Michelle?"

I turned around and pointed at the Tupperware. "Um your Tupperware… The lady… Cookies…"

Amber took me in her arms. "Shh…"

I started to cry. "I just thought… Oh my god, I'm so stupid. I don't know why…"

"It's okay sweetie." She held me hard, as if she was afraid I would crumple to the floor should she let me go. I sobbed onto her shoulder.

"I love him so much! I want to go back! I just wish he would come and get me and…"

"Michelle," she said sternly. "You are not going back."

I looked at her, surprised. From my three closest friends, Amber had been the most supportive. Cady had started hating Tony's guts the day I moved out and Val didn't even know him.

She sighed. "I know, I know… Tony is a nice guy. Hey, he's a wonderful guy. I wish I could meet someone like him. But you guys need time apart. And you shouldn't be the one running after him."

I nodded silently.

"Michelle, you're a wonderful woman. You're strong, you're smart, you're beautiful. That's why I know you'll get out of this. Everything is going to be alright."

_Everything is going to be alright._

But when?

**TONY**

On my left side there was the ad section of the newspaper. On my right side there was the kitchen. (Kitchen  Fridge  Beer) If you ask me, I was in a pretty tight spot. If I took the newspaper to try and find a job (notice how I say 'try'), it would be a step towards recovery but it would be torture. (And who said I would get the job anyways?) But, if I went to the kitchen to get a beer, I would start feeling guilty and be right back where I started: alone.

So, what I did was scan the newspaper while drinking a beer.

_Almeida, you are a genius._

Genius, yeah. Then, why did I still feel guilty?

I sighed and looked at the ads wearily. Most of them were jobs I wouldn't even have thought about when I was still working for CTU.

Need dishwashers. Good pay. Contact Sam, _Gazpacho Andaluz_. 516-7890.

_Um, no._

Seeking bartenders. _La Sienna._ 18+. 500 a week (non-negotiable). 326-0495.

_Hmm… Does this include free drinks?_

Experienced salesrep. Must have High School Degree. $1000/week. Mrs. Andrea Martin: 342-9803.

_Aha. This doesn't look too bad._

I put down my beer reluctantly and picked up the phone. 3-4-2-9-8-0-3.

After a few rings, someone picked up. "Mrs. Martin's office. How can I help you?"

"Um hi. It's about the ad. For the job."

"Of course. Do you have a high school degree?"

_Yes and I also have a master's degree._ "Yes."

"I'll schedule you an appointment. When is it better for you?"

"As soon as possible."

"Alright, I have a spot at two pm. Your name…"

"Anthony Almeida."

"Okay, Mister Almeida. We'll be expecting you at two. Have your resume ready."

"Thank you."

I hung up, unsure of my feelings. Was this good? Was this bad?

The rest of the day passed very slowly. A knot had formed itself in my stomach. I was obviously stressed out. This was my first 'outing'.

At one forty, something dawned on me.

"Have your resume ready."

_Oh shit._

It wasn't the fact my resume wasn't ready: I could easily do it in a few minutes. It was what I would have to write on it.

_Criminal charges… Oh yes. I was arrested for treason about 8 months ago._

I almost didn't write it. But, then again, it wasn't like I had just stolen a car when I was sixteen. It was TREASON. TRAITOR TO THIS COUNTRY. They would surely find out one day or another and I certainly didn't need more trouble. So I wrote it.

_They probably don't even care._

They did.

At two o'clock sharp, I arrived at Mrs. Martin's office. Her secretary Gracie smiled at me and made me enter right away. It was weird being smiled at: I hadn't seen a smile for a long time.

Mrs. Martin was on the phone.

"Yes." Pause. "Absolutely." Pause. "Don't worry, I'll take care of it." Pause. "Yes, the same to you. Bye." She hung up. "You must be Mr. Almeida! Please sit down."

I sat down, looking around the office. I spotted a picture of two little girls.

"My daughters," she said.

I smiled. "They are very pretty."

"So everyone says. Do you have any children, Mr. Almeida?"

I looked at her, startled. "Um no."

"Don't have any. 'Cause your spouse can use it as ammunition against you."

"Of course, I… I understand."

"No, you don't," she said.

_Hey lady. You think YOU have spouse problems? You haven't seen me._

She must have sensed my displeasure because she changed the subject. "So you're here for the job."

"Yes."

She eyed me suspiciously. "And have you read all the requirements?"

"Er yes. High School diploma. That's all, no?"

"Yes. And you do have your High School diploma?"

"Of course! I even have my master's degree!"

That shut her up. "I… I'm sorry. You just don't look like the master's degree type. And, if you have a master's degree, why the hell do you want a job here?"

"I'd rather not talk about it."

"I'd like to see your resume, then."

I handed her the yellow folder I have been carrying with me. She took and thumbed through it, obviously impressed.

"Marines… Bachelor's degree… Master's degree… Special Agent in charge, Counter Terrorist Unit… Mr. Almeida, this is very impressive." She continued reading. "I ask you again, if you have your master's deg…" She stopped in mid-sentence.

_So she found it._

I almost thought she would just brush it off and hire me on the spot. I really thought it wouldn't matter. But it did.

She shut the folder slowly. "Well."

_Well…_

I was sick and tired of all this treason shit so I spoke up. "Listen Mrs. Martin. This isn't a government position. I've been pardoned. My wife left me. How am I supposed to live?"

"That's your problem." She handed me back the folder.

_My problem?_ "I've been serving this country for 8 years. People don't just switch sides like that. Don't you even want to hear what happened?"

"I don't really care. Now I'll have to ask you to leave my office. Now."

I pushed back the chair I was sitting on. "Thank you for your time, Mrs. Martin."

But both she and I knew I didn't mean it one bit.

**C – Month 2: A new beginning**

**MICHELLE**

_Almost. Almoooost…_

I boosted myself up on the chair.

_Come on… Ah._

I looked at the picture frame, satisfied. Smiling, I got down from the chair.

_Home sweet home._

Home? I had put up all my pictures, I had made the apartment as cozy as possible and it still didn't feel like home. 'Home is where the heart is'. My heart wasn't here.

_Stop it with your wallowing, Michelle. Get a grip!_

I pushed back the chair, settled on the couch and turned on the TV but I couldn't concentrate. I was still confused about a lot of things. Deciding a walk would help me clear my head, I turned the TV off and headed out.

Outside, the sky was grey and it was wet all over (it had just stopped raining). It reminded of an old hippies song. Something about _All the Leaves Are Brown_ and _The Sky is Grey_.

_Ah yes. The Mammas and The Papas._

After a while, I arrived at a park. I walked to a bench and sat down, shutting my eyes.

_Such calmness._

When I opened my eyes again, I saw a little girl running after a ball. She ran, she ran, she ran… Into the street. And what should have happened happened. She got hit by a car.

I shook myself to see if I was dreaming… and I was. I guess I must have dozed off for a while. But, looking around me, I felt different. As if there really had been a little girl. I looked in front of me and I saw. I saw a city that had once been my paradise but that now held no more but old memories I wanted to forget. I saw a building that had now become my home, a lonely home where no one was waiting for me after work (could I even call it home?). I saw a window that came from my apartment, a window I would look from every morning and wish everything had been different. I saw a picture through the window, a picture I had hung up a few minutes ago of a person that had long been forgotten.

_I miss you Ma._

And what could I do but miss her? I couldn't bring her back just like I couldn't bring _Tony_ back. Tony was right here in LA but _Tony_ Tony was gone.

It started getting dark so I went home. When I arrived, I flopped onto the couch, not bothering to eat. I switched the TV on again, surfing the channels in order to find something interesting. On channel 54, they were showing _Moulin Rouge_, one of my favourite movies. Ewan McGregor was trying to woo Nicole Kidman.

"Love is like oxygen! Love is a many splendid things! Love lifts us up where we belong! All you need is love!"

_You're wrong. Love sometimes isn't enough. What else could explain me watching TV alone on a Friday night?_

**TONY**

It hit me like a oncoming truck. It left me breathless, shocked, miserable. It made me lose my appetite and my sleep. But, the fact was, I had suspected it for a while.

She wasn't coming back.

And that wasn't all. Life was getting worse for me every day: I still hadn't found a job, it now took me a week to finish a pack of beer ALONE, I hadn't spoken to anyone (excluding the cashier at the supermarket) since the infamous interview for the salesrep job, I barely ate (an orange for breakfast, no lunch and take-out for supper) and I slept maximum 5 hours each night.

For the past week, a little voice in my head was shouting at me.

_Wake up Almeida! She isn't coming back. You have to move on._

But how could I move on? How could I leave all of… this behind? And where would I start?

_Easy. Start by getting a job._

A job, a job. Everyone had been bugging me since I got out of jail. 'Get a job, Tony.' 'Do something with your life, Tony.' 'Don't sit around doing nothing, Tony.' Honestly, until now, I didn't really want to get a job back. Money wasn't a problem; I had a lot of savings. Besides, CTU was my job. If I couldn't go to work there, fine: I wouldn't work at all. But, now, things were getting out of hand.

I picked up the newspaper and flipped right to the ad page.

Looking for trustworthy baby-sitter. Two children. 15, male/female. 679-2035.

_No way._

On a job hunt? Mr. James is looking for friendly, experienced, female secretary. 390-2304.

_Friendly? No. Experienced secretary? No. Female? NO._

Need dishwashers. Good pay. Contact Sam, _Gazpacho Andaluz_. 516-7890.

A month ago, I didn't even think this was a possibility. But, a year ago, I wouldn't have been searching in for a job in the first place. Maybe this was where I had to start: at the bottom of the ladder. Even though this was a pretty low bottom.

I looked at the ad again. It said '_Gazpacho Andaluz_', which was a restaurant twenty minutes by walk from her. Instead of calling, I decided to go there directly. I highly doubted they had scheduled appointments for job interviews.

_Gazpacho Andaluz_ was a very old restaurant. I remembered coming here when we first moved to LA. I was 12 years old. At the time, it was very popular and colourful. The people working there were friendly and laughed a lot. It took a lot of time to get our food but we didn't really care. Now, though, you could call it a lucky night if they got five clients. The inside wasn't very well kept and had become just plain ugly. The people who used to work there: 1- Were dead, 2- Had retired, 3- Changed job or 4- Still worked there but weren't really friendly anymore. Most of them were option 1, 2 and a couple of them were 3. Option 4 was only true for one person: Concha. I once brought my parents back here and when we said hi to Concha, she gave us a very cold look and ignored us. Talk about grumpy!

As I entered the restaurant, I prayed that Concha wasn't here today. Fortunately for me, she wasn't (turns out she died too). There was another Spanish woman I didn't know.

"Buenos Dias," I said.

She eyed me. "What do you want?"

"I'm here for the job."

"You?" She laughed. "Why would a _esnob_ like you want a job here?"

"Do you need someone for the job or not?"

"Yeah, yeah. Just go in the back and get started."

I was surprised. "You don't want to see my resume?"

"Resume? For a dishwashing job? Are you sure you're at the right place?"

"Yes."

"I don't want to see your resume. I don't need to see your resume. Pff… Resume. We aren't at the Ritz Carlton, _muchacho_. I don't care if you're a murderer or the President of the United States. Just wash the dishes. That's it, that's all." She tossed me a rag. "Go!"

I looked at the rag and headed to the back. My new life as a dishwasher was beginning. Who knew where it would bring me?

**D – Month 3: Friendly encounters**

**TONY**

"Hi Lena."

The 15 year-old girl flashed me a big smile. "Hola Tony!"

Lena and I worked at _Gazpacho Andaluz_. We both were dishwashers but for different reasons. I worked here because I had nowhere better to go. She worked here because she needed the money for her family. It was sad though because our pay was very low: 13 $ a day if there were clients (which there weren't often). Lena was worried that the restaurant would close. If it did, she would have to find another job. I knew it would close within the next month but didn't say anything to her. Since the restaurant rarely had clients, there were rarely any dishes to wash so we talked instead. Talked about everything. At first, I think she was a bit afraid of me. It took me three weeks to convince her it was okay to just call me 'Tony'. She told me about her family: how her dad left her mom when she was pregnant, how her mom had to work as an exotic dancer and had gotten pregnant when her boss had raped her. The typical Spanish soap opera drama. Only now it was real. The proof was standing right in front of me, telling me about the A she got in English this term. Having heard all her stories, I felt indebted to her so I told her about my whole life: my childhood, my school years, my years at CTU. Even my journey in prison, which I hadn't told anyone about. The parts she loved the most to hear about were about, guess who… Michelle of course. I seldom talked about her but when I did, you could see Lena was pleased. And, as opposed to what my other friends would have kept on telling me if I had spoken to them, she didn't trash her at all. She just said she understood both of us. 'How can you understand two people who have two completely different point of views?' I had asked, a bit angry. 'You have the same point of views. Only about different people. Give it time,' was all she said. Sometimes I wondered how a fifteen year-old could be much more mature than half the adults I knew. Then again, most of the adults I know haven't been through as much as Lena has.

I yawned. "Any clients _hoy_?"

"Da Vinci _solamente_. He's drinking a coffee and flirting with Sam."

Another thing we did was nickname the clients and watch them. For example, Da Vinci was the nickname an elderly man that reminded it us both of the painter. He often flirted with Samantha, the restaurant's owner. Unfortunately for him, she didn't return his affections.

"Is she flirting back?"

"What do you think? Of course not."

"Poor guy." I settled down on the counter. "So, Lena, what's up?"

She beamed. I could tell something was up. "Remember the scholarship I applied for three weeks ago?"

"Yes…"

"I got it!"

"No! Really?"

"Si! I can't believe it!"

"Congratulations! So what happens now?"

She grew serious. "I'm going to quit the job here."

I felt my smile fading but I kept it on my face. "Oh. Okay! That's good, no?"

"I don't know… I mean, Mama has a new job and Simón is starting school soon so that's okay but…"

_Don't say it, Lena. Please don't say it._ "But…"

"What about you?"

"I'll manage. It isn't as if we have too many dishes to wash." I laughed but it sounded fake.

"I know about that but… What if the restaurant closes?"

"I'll lose my job. It won't be a big loss. I have enough _dinero_ to last awhile."

"It's not the _dinero_. Listen, Tony, get a new job. You have the potential…"

"I also have the criminal record," I said sharply.

"There are many jobs you could do. You can't let one stupid woman's words affect you. Who was she to refuse you, with her stupid family problems?"

"Mrs. Martin was the only one to refuse me because she was the only one I went to see. Do you think if I go see all the employers in LA, they'll give me a job? No. No one wants a traitor in their business."

"You are not traitor, god damn it! Will you stop it?" She paused and looked at me in the eye. "I'm leaving tomorrow."

I lowered my gaze.

"Look at me Tony!"

When I looked up, my eyes were damp. "What am I going to do?"

She walked towards me and hugged me. It felt strange having a teenager console me. "Tony Almeida, you are one hell of a man. There are so many things you can do. Promise me you'll do something with your life other than moping around the house after I leave."

I nodded but I knew I wouldn't do anything.

The next day, I quit and, a few weeks later, _Gazpacho Andaluz_ closed down.

**MICHELLE**

I was in the middle of opening the door of my office when my phone rang.

"Michelle Dessler."

"Mrs. Dessler. Mr. Thompson's replacement is here."

"Thank you Cindy." I hung up the phone and walked back towards the entrance of the office. Imagine my surprise when I saw my 'dear friend', William 'Bill' Buchanan. In fact, he looked just as surprised as I was.

"Michelle?"

"Bill! What a surprise! Got sick of Seattle?"

He chuckled. "No, I got a promotion."

"Well, congratulations." I smiled at him and held out my hand. He looked at it and shook it slowly.

"At what time is lunch?"

"You've just arrived and you're already thinking about lunch?"

We both laughed. "No. I was just thinking you could maybe join me for lunch." Seeing my disapproval, he quickly added, "Just lunch. Don't get me wrong."

I looked at him sceptically. It had been three months Tony and I were separated but, the truth was, I wasn't too keen about replacing him right now. Or ever, to think of it.

"We'll be in the cafeteria and if I try anything, you can scream and I'll be arrested for sexual assault, okay?"

I smiled, still unsure. "Alright."

"No! She said that?"

"Yeah. She literally looked at me and spitted it at me. 'I've decided something Bill: You're not my type.'"

"And she waited four months to tell you that?"

"Uh huh."

"Ouch. I'm sorry."

"Don't be. She wasn't worth it. I'm actually glad it happened."

I nibbled at my salad. "Food sucks here."

"I agree. Hey, listen, what are you doing this weekend? I mean, only if you want…"

"No, Bill," I cut him off. "I'm sorry but… no."

"Oh. Okay." He smiled at me, obviously hurt.

_I'm so sorry Bill. I just… can't._

I arrived at my apartment at nine PM. I was drained, I was upset and I was hungry so I did the only thing that could relax me these days: I cooked. To think that, a year ago, I was too frightened to even approach a pan.

I looked in my fridge and settled for a _bruschetta_, not wanting to eat too heavy before going to bed.

Chop, chop, chop. Mix, mix, mix. Toast the baguette. Put the tomato salad on the bread and tada! Finito!

I looked at my piece of art, very proud. Then, I sat down and started eating.

_Haha! Not only is it beautiful, it's also very good!_

When I was finished, I felt content. Content but not happy.

_Maybe I should have said yes to Bill…_

'Get real Michelle.' I looked at the empty plate next to me.

_Empty. Just like me._

**E – Month 4: Friends forgotten**

**MICHELLE**

"Michelle Dessler!" shrieked Cady. "You are a naughty girl! It's been so long!"

I laughed. "I know, I know. Now, can I come in? My arms are full of gifts FOR you…"

"Oh my god, oh my god. I'm so sorry." She opened the door and took the three-quarters of my bags. I didn't even object; that's how exhausted I was.

I entered Cady's apartment.

_So neat, yet so eccentric._

Just like Cady.

"Hi Chelle."

I turned my head towards the soft voice. "Hey Val!"

The three of us entered the kitchen where Amber was chopping the vegetables.

"Hello Amber. Long time no see."

"Ah! You've arrived!" She started motioning to Cady, still holding her big knife. "Did you guys know Michelle is now a professional gourmet chef?"

"Nooo!" Cady looked at me with big eyes and grabbed a piece of chopped fennel from Amber's plate.

Amber didn't let me answer. "Yes madam! She even made me _poulet aux marrons._"

Cady grabbed another piece of fennel. "I cannot believe this! Chelle, what happened to you?"

"She took courses. Hey! Don't touch my fennel!"

Cady ignored Amber. "I want to see this for myself. Michelle, I want you to cook for us tonight."

"But I was supposed to…"

"Shut up Amber."

I rolled my eyes. "Fine, fine. But I will need Amber's help." Amber stuck her tongue out at Cady.

Out of nowhere, Val said, "I think I need a drink."

The three of us looked at each other surprised then, at Val. "What?" Val never said 'I think I need a drink.' Val seldom drank.

Amber gave me a knowing look, as if to say 'Something's going on. We'll talk later.' I shrugged and poured four glasses of Porto.

The cooking went pretty well. Cady oohed and aahed over my progress and kept on stealing pieces of fennel. Amber kept on saying 'I told you so' and 'Don't touch my fennel!'. Val poured herself glass after glass of alcohol until we stopped her. And I, well… For the first time in months, I actually was having fun doing something. Who would have thought Michelle Dessler would one day enjoy cooking?

The dinner went smoothly. We barely talked, saving it for later. Finally, when all the plates where cleared, Cady came back with four martinis for the annual toast.

"I go first, I go first!"

We all sighed in a exaggerated manner. "Yes Cady."

"Okay, okay. Here it goes." She cleared her throat. "I, Cady Robinson,…"

"FULL NAME!"

"Fine, fine. I, Cassandra Robinson, propose a toast to my upcoming book…" She smiled at us mischievously while we all gasped.

"But… Cady! When?" Amber asked. We all knew Cady was writing a book. Now it was getting published!

She grinned. "My dear friends, let's welcome _Time and time again_ by C. Robinson coming this November!"

We all clapped and cheered until Cady told us to shut up. "I have not finished my toast. I, Cassandra Robinson, propose a toast to my upcoming book, _Time and time again_. I would also like to thank my father, George Robinson for leaving this world when I was five and leaving my brother and I to my cruel mother, Alessandra Robinson, and her hideous boyfriend, Bob. Thanks a lot Dad!" She gulped down her martini.

We didn't blame her for hating her dad for dying. Her mom was VERY cruel indeed and Bob was… no comment.

Cady smiled and looked at Amber. "Your turn…"

"Okay! Hmm… Let me think… Okay. I, Amber Greshner, propose a toast to my boss, Mr. Di Ruocco, for firing me! Thank you, Mr. Di Ruocco, for screwing me then screwing me over! We all love you SO much!" She swallowed her Martini in a shot then nodded to Val.

Val looked much more relaxed than usual. She was the youngest one of us. She was 22, Cady was 29, I was 32 and Amber came last: 41. Val still lived at her parents house (or so we thought) and they were very strict catholic preachers. She always defended them when we said something bad about them but we all knew her biggest dream was to leave the house: she just didn't have the guts.

"Alright," she said. "I, Valerie Darcy, propose a toast to mummy and daddy dearest. Thank you, my dear parents, for kicking me out of the house because you finally found out I slept with my boyfriend! Oh my, what a crime!"

We stared at her, shocked. For a moment, none of us said anything. After a moment, I spoke up. "Val, we had no idea… When?"

"This morning." She smiled sadly. "I still love them and all but they hate me. I think it's better like this." She drank her martini.

They all stared at me.

"Me? Okay. Here it goes. I, Michelle Dessler, propose a toast to my husband, Anthony Almeida. Thanks, sweetheart, for going to jail for me but you know what? I think it would have been much better if I died. Thanks honey, I love you lots!" I put down my martini, not even taking a drop.

Cady was the first to speak. "He's a fucking bastard Michelle. Now drink up."

Still, I didn't touch my martini. "It's okay. Let's just get this over with."

We did the final toast, none of us really meaning it. "We propose a toast to the Sunday morning yoga class (as that was where we all met for the first time, two and a half years ago) and to its sticky blue mattresses. Amen."

For a while, I felt guilty about ruining the whole _ambiance_. But, then, Cady started singing an old Madonna's song. Then she said, "I think we're drunk."

"Correction," said Amber. "You only are drunk."

That did not make me happy. "No fair! I am drunk too!"

"Hear, hear! Me too!"

Amber sighed. "I guess that makes me the only non-drunk here…"

We three drunk ones whistled and cheered.

Amber continued. "This means I will have to take care of you guys. So we all sleep here!"

"YAY!" (Yes, we were really that drunk)

It took us about an hour getting ready for bed (we laughed too much). Cady and Val slept in Cady's bed (Amber and I insisted), Amber slept on the couch and I slept in the guest bedroom. We were four in the same apartment but never had a night felt so lonely.

**TONY**

Life after _Gazpacho Andaluz_ was the same as it was before it. I went back to eating one and a half meal per day, sleeping 5 hours per night, zero communication with anyone but I did drink a bit less, which was an improvement.

A few weeks later, I received a letter from Lena.

Tony!

How are you? I'm fine but I miss our chats… Over here, things are fine. Mama got a promotion! She now waits tables instead of just washing the dishes! Turns out the boss likes her… a lot. I hope he will treat her well, not like that _bruto_ Jim. Simón just started school. He's having a bit of trouble with the big bullies but I'm always there to protect him.

I love school. I'm learning a lot and I've made a lot of friends. I met another _española_. Her name is Juanita. She's very nice but stupid. I know, it's not nice but it's true! And the thing is, she works so hard. So I'm going to help her with her schoolwork.

There's a boy. His name is Charles. He is English. He's very nice. Oh, what the hell, that's a lie. He's not very nice. He's so incredibly nice and very _lindo_. I like him a lot. As in _like_ like. And guess what? He asked me out to a party! And do you know what happened? I said no because Mama would not like it and he said 'Okay, I understand. How about we just hang out at your house? I'll promise I'll behave!'. Then he gave the most dazzling smile. Of course, I said yes. I think I'm in love.

But the bad part is he's kind of popular. So these stupid girls always look at me very coldly. They look down at me and say I don't belong. Once, I ran into one of them. Right away, I said sorry but she looked at me and said: 'Ugh.' I wasn't even hurt because I know she's so stupid but I was so _disgustada_. Who the hell does she think she is?

Oh yes! Remember when I made you listen to Nelly and you said it was crappy _música_? And then you told me to listen to Pink Floyd? I did and I really liked it! You were right: Nelly is crappy _música_.

I told Mama a bit about you and already she likes you. Maybe we can come and visit one day. If you want. How about you? How are you doing? Has _Gazpacho Andaluz_ closed yet? Do you have a new job? How's it going with your love life? (you don't have to tell me if you don't want to…)

I miss you lots!

Love, Lena

PS: Write back to me if you can!

I really, really wanted to write back to Lena. But, the thing was, I wasn't motivated and didn't have any inspiration. I reread the letter three times before folding it and putting it in my office drawer.

During the past month, I hadn't really been motivated about anything. The phone rang once in a while but I never answered it. I usually just unplugged it. Once, the phone rang and I was too lazy to unplug it so it carried onto the answer machine.

"Hi," had said Michelle's pre-recorded voice (I still hadn't changed the answering machine). "You've reached Tony and Michelle. We're unavailable for the moment or we're just plain lazy and will not answer the phone. So, please leave a message and your number and if we feel like it, we might just call you back. Thanks!"

"Tony?"

_Oh shit. What do you want now?_

"Listen Tony, it's Jack. I've been calling you non-stop. Chloe told me you and Michelle separated. I know it's hard for you but…"

I picked up the phone and yelled, "SHUT THE FUCK UP, JACK! MY LIFE IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!" and I hung up.

Pointless to say, he didn't call me again after that. Now that I thought of it, it probably wasn't such a good idea. After all, he was the one who got me out of jail. Yes, technically, he's also the one who got me INTO jail but we all know I would have gotten caught anyways.

At that moment, I decided to call him. Whether I was motivated about it or not, I would pick up the phone to call and apologise. So that's just what I did. Only, when I was waiting for him to answer, I started getting doubts. What if he didn't want to speak to me? What if it was too late to say sorry? What if he was dead?

"Hi. You've reached Jack. I'm currently unavailable. Please leave your name, your number and your message and I'll call you back as soon as possible. Thank you."

_Oof. I won't have to talk to him so if he's angry, he won't blast me in my face. And, hopefully, he's not dead._

"Hi Jack. It's Tony. I know I really blasted you the other day and I'm very sorry. I was just going through a rough period. I hope you're doing well. Also, I didn't really get a chance to thank you for getting me out of jail. Well, uh, thanks. I owe you. So, if ever you need help for anything, you can call me on my cell. Oh, and Jack, I would rather you don't call back when you receive this message. I mean, unless you need help for something or you're in a life threatening situation. If not, please don't call back. I have a lot of things to take care of. Anyways, take care."

_Well. That was a pretty long message._

I hung up feeling a whole lot better. Then, I decided to call my parents. It had been too long since I'd last spoken to them.

**F – Month 5: Unexpected**

**TONY**

Yes.

_No._

Yes.

_No._

Yes.

_No._

YES.

_Fine, fine. But if she's there, I'm running for it._

It was almost sure she was going to be there. Still, I had to go. I mean, this was the funeral of someone I knew very well! I couldn't just not go. I had to at least go and offer my condolences.

Very unwillingly, I got out of bed and got dressed. Within fifteen minutes, I was in the car, still debating whether I should go or not. Finally, I turned on the car and headed towards the church.

_Man, is she that popular?_ I though as I saw many people enter the church.

Then, I saw her. Michelle Dessler that I hadn't seen for five months. Michelle Dessler I desperately wanted back in my life. Michelle Dessler I loved to death. I quickly picked up my newspaper and hid behind it. I stayed there a good fifteen minutes before throwing it back on the car seat and driving away.

I have never felt as cowardly in my whole life.

**MICHELLE**

"This is not a time to mourn but to remember the good times. This is not a time to cry but to smile. Cassandra will rest forever…"

_Yadda, yadda, yadda._

I felt like getting up and smacking the priest but it didn't seem like the right thing to do. So I didn't.

So much had happened in the last year. The virus, Tony's imprisonment, his release, the separation… I didn't think anything worse could happen. But it did.

I glanced at Amber and Val on my right side. Amber was staring straight ahead with a look of sadness in her eyes and Val was crying on her shoulder. Suddenly, I started laughing.

_This is too funny. We didn't even see it coming. Haha! The foursome rules! Amber just got fired, Val got kicked out from her house, I almost died twice in the same day eight months ago before my husband got kicked into jail then came out so I could leave him and Cady is… dead. She didn't even get her stupid book published. Life is shit._

Everyone looked at me. Alessandra Robinson sent daggers with her eyes.

_Here's to fucking you, Mrs. Robinson! Bitch._

Only Amber looked at me sadly and Val, with surprise. I excused myself quietly and then left the church.

Outside, it was still raining. Big, fat droplets splattered the streets, the roofs, the sidewalks, the cars, the windows. I briefly thought of my hair, knowing it would frizz up even more. Several cars passed. I noted some of the faces looked sad as they passed the church. For a moment, I almost hurled myself in front of a passing car but I finally decided against it. After waiting a couple of minutes, I decided to head home before I did something stupid. I knew Amber and Val would understand my hurried departure and I certainly did not need to explain anything to Cady's mother.

**G – Month 6: That's it**

**TONY**

Finally, things were under control. Life was getting much better. My parents had come and visited me two weeks ago. We talked a lot, mostly argued, and my mom did cry a few times but we did sort out our things. I was barely drinking anymore. Jack had left me a message, to tell me he was glad I had called and I was okay. Lena wrote me another letter: Her mother got fired, Simón got a gold star in school for his achievements, Charles was still just as sweet and cute, the girls were just as stupid, Juanita wasn't doing much better (but she was still at school so that was good) and she, Lena, was still as much in love and had gotten her first A! I still couldn't bring myself to write back but I knew it would come eventually.

Yes, life was good. But there still was one thing missing. And I had every intention of getting it back. I picked up our pink phone book and looked for Amber's name.

_Graziano, Cecilia… Gracie, Leo… Greshner, Amber. – 769-2340_

I hurriedly dialled the number and waited.

"Hello?" said a tired voice.

"Hi Amber. It's Tony Almeida."

That seemed to wake her up. "Tony. Hi."

"I'm sorry to bother you. Listen, is Michelle still living with you?"

"No. She got her own place."

_Her own place. Alone. Without me._

"Oh. Right. Well, I'd like to call her. If it's okay with you, could you give me her number?"

She paused. "Okay. Do you have a piece of paper?"

"Yeah."

"859-3049. Tony, she might not be ho…"

"Thanks a lot Amber. I have to go. Bye!"

I pressed on END.

"She got her own place."

Did she consider it home? Did she even miss me? I pressed on TALK and dialled the number without even looking at the paper.

"Hi. You're reached Michelle."

"Hi. You've reached Tony and Michelle."

"I'm currently unavailable."

"We're unavailable for the moment or we're just plain lazy and will not answer the phone."

"Please leave your name and number. I'll call you back as soon as possible. Thank you."

"So, please leave a message and your number and if we feel like it, we might just call you back. Thanks!"

_Where do I start?_

"Michelle. Um, hi would be a nice way to start…"

**MICHELLE**

I looked at Amber.

_Obvious bluff._

"You're bluffing," I said.

She arched her eyebrow. "Humph. What do you know? I am so not bluffing."

"Riiiiiight. Just surrender. You know I'm beating you."

_Dring, dring!_ "One moment, I have to go get the phone! You better not cheat!"

"Ha! The phone! What a lame excuse! You're just chicken 'cause you know you're dead!"

I settled down in my chair and put down my cards. I heard Amber yawning and saying 'Hello?'. Right after, she came back with a grin on her face, with a look that said 'I know you're trying to cheat!'. Soon, though, her look changed. Then, she said, "Tony. Hi."

_Tony. Your Tony is calling. After six months, he calls._

Amber looked at me with a weary look. "No. She got her own place."

_Why did you tell him that? Now, he thinks I don't spend every night tossing and turning in my bed while thinking of him._ But I knew it was the only thing she could say.

Suddenly, she started making frantic movements at me to get my attention. I looked at her and mouthed 'What?'. She pointed at me and said 'Phone number.' I didn't really understand so I nodded. Then, she said, "Okay. Do you have a piece of paper?" and I realised what she meant.

"859-3049."

_Oh shit. He's calling my house._

I must have looked totally freaked because Amber started saying, "Tony, she might not be home." But, as she hung up, I knew he hadn't heard a word she just said.

Which is why I had to do something about this.

I grabbed the phone from Amber and dialled the too-familiar number.

_Monty, please help Tony! Monty, please get Tony out of jail! Monty, why isn't he out of jail yet? Monty, Monty, Monty!_

"Hello? Monty, it's Michelle."

"Hi Michelle! I'm glad to hear from you! How are you and Tony?"

"Not too good. That's why I called you."


	6. Keep Your Distance

**I'm baaaaack! D**

**The following takes place right before season 2. Events do not occur in real time.**

**PS: I do not own that theme song from the movie _Flashdance_ (don't know the title).**

**A DAY IN THE LIFE** – _The Beatles_

**Chapter 6 – Keep Your Distance**

_Keep Your Distance_ – Starring Kim Raver as Susan Dailey

**MICHELLE**

_Mmm… He's so hot._

I curled up in my bed and smiled. What was better than spending the day in bed while dreaming of so hot and so wonderful (but so out of my reach) boss?

_Time to wake up Michelle._

'Not yet…'

_Time to wake up Michelle._

'Noooooooooooooooooooooo.'

_Time to wake up Michelle._

'Argh. Fine.'

I stumbled out of bed and grabbed my watch.

_Ooh… What a beautiful sunny day!_

I opened the window, letting the soft sunlight into my bedroom. "Good Morning America! Wow! Look at the weather! It's nice and sunny!" I looked at my watch. "It's presently ten before six and…"

_Uh oh._

Ten before six. As in five fifty. As in five-five-zero. As in ten minutes before my start time at work. As in WHAT THE HELL AM I STILL DOING HERE?

_I knew it! I shouldn't have watched Sex and the City last night!_

I looked at my alarm clock. It wasn't ticking anymore.

_Damn._

Suddenly filled with a sense of urgency, I ran to the bathroom and grabbed my work clothes draped neatly on a hanger.

_Oh no, oh no… Mason is going to kill me! I'm going to get fired, they're going to send me back to division, I'm going to have to work with Carrie again… OH NO GOD, PLEASE! Not Carrie!_

Okay, maybe I was getting a little ahead of myself. After all, it was my first time. They couldn't do much to me, could they?

_Fine, I won't get fired but everybody is going to look at me weird, Tony is going to be so disappointed in me…_

Tony.

For seven months I had been pining for him. SEVEN MONTHS, PEOPLE! And not once did he return my feelings.

Okay, okay, we talked a lot. We were friends. Good friends even. We often worked together. We went for coffee. Once. And it was because it was midnight and we had this huge assignment to finish for the next day and we were both about to drop to the floor. But we were alone in the office. That's a start, no?

_I should have jumped him when I got a chance._

'Haha, very funny.' I wanted him BAD but I would never take advantage of him (or would I? Hee hee…)

Finally dressed after what seemed like a very large amount of time, I checked myself in the mirror one last time and slipped out the apartment, not bothering to grab any breakfast.

_Too bad for you. You should have woken up earlier._

Once in my car, everything seemed to turn from bad to worse. And from worse to the worst possible.

At first, it was stupid things like I shut the door on the seat buckle. Then, I turned on the radio and they played a stupid, catchy song I hated. And THEN, there was a traffic jam. Right in front of my garage. In front of my apartment that's in the middle of NOWHERE. Turned out some lady left her car parked in the middle of the street to go and get one of her daughters she forgot at the home (she had five).

When it finally cleared, I realised I needed to get gas or I would stop in the middle of nowhere. So I went. But, when it was time to pay, the guy decided to go the bathroom. I don't really know what he did there (and I don't _want_ to know) but I know that when he came back, he was flushed and had this very big smile. The guy behind me gave him the thumbs up.

_Yeah, thanks a lot Jorge_, I thought while paying. _But, next time, make sure it isn't me you're leaving there, hanging, while you go satisfy your 'needs'._

Ugh. Oh well, I guess we all went through that (not that I ever remember going through that).

Anyways, after paying, I went back into my car and headed for work. I thought that was just about all that could go wrong for me today.

Wrong! Wrong, wrong, wrong, I have never been so wrong in my life! It all went well until I arrived at the CTU parking lot. Jacob, the parking guard, smiled at me.

"Sleep late?"

I rolled my eyes. "You have no idea." I started reaching for my purse when I realised… I left it at home.

_NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!_

Jacob didn't seem to notice my stricken expression. "So I need your card…" He looked up from his computer. "Ms. Dessler?"

"ARGH!" I hit my head against steering wheel with despair. As for Jacob, he looked positively traumatised.

_Why me? WHY ME? Am I not late enough already?_

I leaned my head against the seat and threw a weary glance to Jacob. "I forgot it at home. I have to go get it." And, without another word, I left the parking lot, for the first time feeling desperate about leaving CTU to come back home.

**TONY**

_So much for that 'good feeling'._

When I woke up that morning, I had had a good feeling about today. Something good was going to happen. Somehow, I felt… happy about going to work. Which was saying a lot really because I never feel happy about going to work. Don't get me wrong, I love my job; it just doesn't give me happiness. There are a lot of things I loved or that I used to love but that didn't give me any happiness. Cigarettes (I smoked for five years). My grandmother (God, she didn't _not_ make me happy; she made me miserable. But, for an unknown reason, I still loved her). Nina. And, then, there were things I loved a lot and that made me so happy. Quiet evenings. My family (especially my little brother Vince and my little sis Bianca). A good book. Michelle Dessler.

Michelle. In the twenty-nine years I have been present on this planet, never have I seen such dreamy eyes. Such a delicate face. Such infatuating lips. Such beautiful curls. (Actually, there was this one girl in ninth grade, Isabel. The only difference was that, one, she was blond and, two, when I pulled one of her curls, she slapped me. I don't think Michelle would slap me if I pulled one of her curls. Would she?) I was in love and hating it. That 'can't eat, can't sleep, always day-dreaming and staring at her' kind of love. This was very bad. Number one: we worked at the same place. Number two: she worked for me. Number three: she didn't feel the same way I did.

Okay, I had no proof of number three. But if it wasn't true and she actually was passionately in love with me, shouldn't she be jumping around, shouting her adoration for me?

_Uh, no._

And if she did love me, what would happen then?

Anyways, back to that morning and that 'good feeling'. You know, when you're in high school and you're crazy in love with this very cute red-head that you get to see once a week in Social Studies? You go crazy every time it's Social Studies. You actually LOOK FORWARD to going to school and sitting through Mrs. Carol's boring course and her boring exercises and getting reprimanded because you aren't paying attention for the fifth time in the SAME COURSE. And all that because you get seventy-five minutes to stare at Gretchen Miller and that maybe, MAYBE today she'll notice you and say hi. Crazy, no?

Well. That was exactly how I felt. Ridiculous. I can see the headlines already in the LA times.

Counter Terrorist Unit, Second in Command: High School Crush on one of his Employees!

Pathetic. Pathetic, pathetic, pathetic. God, so pathetic.

Still, no matter how pathetic I felt, I still was in love and waiting for a miracle today.

_Oh maybe Michelle will smile at me today. Maybe she'll say hi. Maybe we'll go out for coffee again._

I was waiting for all of those things and, at the same time, feared them.

I entered CTU a whole ten minutes early waiting to see her…

One minute.

Two minutes.

Three minutes.

Five minutes.

Ten minutes.

Twenty minutes.

Thirty minutes. (George just called us in for a meeting)

Thirty three minutes twenty five seconds. (I just sat down in a chair)

And, while George started talking about something (I'll be honest: I don't really remember what he said), it dawned on me. Maybe, MAYBE today she wasn't coming.

_Great. Just great._

And, then, just when I stopped sulking and started concentrating on George's speech, she came in. So breathtakingly beautiful. And, as luck would have it, the only seat left was the one next to me. She smiled at me and whispered a small hi before sitting down.

_Thank you, God, for listening to my prayers. I promise I will clean up my office, stop rolling my eyes behind my superiors' back, be nicer to Abuela, become a vege…_

"Michelle. I suppose you have a good excuse about being late."

She stiffened. "It… It was traffic, Mr. Mason. I'm very sorry."

**GEORGE**

"It… It was traffic, Mr. Mason. I'm very sorry."

_As if._

"Traffic. I see."

She saw I didn't really believe her and blushed a bit. I continued, suddenly very bored.

"It's your first time Michelle. I know it isn't one of your habits so I'll let it go."

_Bla bla bla. Same old, same old. There's always someone late. One day it's Janet, the other it's Michelle, then it's Tony…_ Not that I'd ever seen him late but that was an unnecessary detail.

"Alright people. Meeting dismissed."

People started gathering their things and leaving the conference room. I cleared my throat.

"Janet. I'd like to see you."

Janet looked at me obnoxiously, chewing gum very loudly. She walked towards me and sighed in a very exaggerated manner.

"Yeah?"

"You're fired."

She obviously wasn't expecting that. "Uh excuse me?"

"You heard me: you're fired."

"B-but w…"

"First of all, keeping that gum in your mouth is not going to help your chances with your job."

She stopped chewing for a minute then grabbed her gum from her mouth and stuck it under her shoe.

_Oh for god's sake._

I rolled my eyes. "Okay. Let's just say that's a bit better. So, this is the problem: you've been late a total of twenty times this month. Tell me Janet, how many days do you work a month?"

"Twenty one sir."

"Wow! That makes a total of, let me see, one day you have been on time. Congratulations! And it wasn't the five minute, traffic delay. It was the whole 'I want to make a big entrance so I'll arrive one hour later after my start time while wearing my mini skirts and chewing gum'. Mini skirts and gum are against CTU etiquette, by the way."

"Is that all?"

"No. That is not all. I've been checking your work. Janet, it's BAD. I see you fooling around during work time and it shows on your assignments. I ask you to narrow a search to five, you enlarge it to fifty. There's a limit between being distracted and just plain not listening."

Janet looked at me, trying to get a way out of this. "But… Why didn't I get a warning or something?"

"You got thirteen warnings. Isn't that enough?"

That shut her up.

"And," I added. "You have quite an attitude. Janet, you look like a really sweet girl. Why are giving us this whole 'I don't give a shit' act?"

She glanced out the conference room window. After a while, she said, "I don't really like this job."

_Excuse me?_

"You what? Then why are you here?"

"Bah. Good money. Interesting stuff. Nice people. Hot guys."

_Hot guys? Well, there's Joe, who isn't exactly 'hot stuff'. Then, there's Rick, old enough to be her grandfather. There's also Eugene, the janitor, who's almost young enough to be her son. I don't think she's talking about me so that leaves…_

"Tony."

"What Tony?"

"You're working at CTU for Tony Almeida?"

_Surely even Janet isn't that pathetic._

"No. Well, yes, maybe a bit. I mean, he's part of it. Really, it was my friend who went into computing science. I followed her and next thing you know, bang! I'm here. I don't hate the job, it's got its downs but also its ups. I just never thought I would be here."

"I see…"

"You know what? I think it's actually good I got fired. I mean, it isn't GOOD but maybe this is my wake-up call. This isn't at all where I want to be in five years."

The question just popped out of my mouth. "What did you want to become?"

"It's funny you ask. I never thought I would be talking about my ambitions with my uptight boss."

_Uptight. Thanks a lot._

"Anyways. I wanted to become a dancer."

"You know what? I may be uptight and cranky but I am smart and I can imagine you as a dancer. Just as long as it isn't exotic…"

She laughed. "No. Not exotic. Hey, speaking of Tony, I find him hot and all but I'm not interested, you know. And, even if I was, I wouldn't have a chance in hell with him. Have you noticed how infatuated he is with Michelle Dessler?"

"I have for a while now."

"Do you think he'll ever snap out of it and ask her out?"

"You know it's against protocol."

She rolled her eyes. "Protocol. Right. As if anyone has ever followed it."

"I have."

"You and Tony are exceptions to the rule. And so are all those other division jerks." She paused. "Wait, didn't you work at division before, too?"

"Alright, enough. It isn't I'm not enjoying this conversation but I really got to go. I have work to do. You can go home now and try and figure out what you're going to do now. Come back Monday so I can fill your dismissal report."

"Okay. By the way, George…"

"Mr. Mason."

"I don't work for you anymore."

"Technically you are."

"Fine. By the way, Mr. Mason, you aren't such a bad guy once we get to know you. I'll see you Monday." She pinched my cheek and left the conference office, smiling cheekily.

_Well. If that wasn't awkward…_

But, really, I had enjoyed this little down-to-earth conversation I hadn't had for a while. I thought about how Janet had turned from harsh to friendly in mere seconds (even though that transformation had happened because I had fired her) and about her confession and her ambition to become a dancer. It also made me think about how much I hated my own job and that I certainly hadn't imagined I would end up here. Suddenly, my supposedly upcoming promotion that I had been waiting patiently for a long time didn't seem so appealing.

_Weird. Who would have thought one of my employees would have made me realize it's maybe time for a change?_

I thought of those night courses I always wanted to take. Maybe it wasn't too late.

Little did I know that, in less than 24 hours, I would be dead.

**PAULA**

_What a feeling, oh what a feeling…_

People often say I'm very kitschy. But, as I hummed the tune from _Flashdance_ (I had rented it the day before), I didn't feel kitschy at all. When I called my mother yesterday and exclaimed 'Oh what a good movie Flashdance is', she said I lived in the past and that maybe I should get a boyfriend.

_Right. A boyfriend._

I usually just shrug those comments off and tell myself maybe everyone else is too modern and I'm the only one who's still _real_.

My mother is always nagging me. Blame it on my big sisters: Gladys is married, has two kids and is a housewife and Alice, at her age, still lives at home with my mom and calls me every week to complain about an ex-boyfriend. If I have to be like one of them to get my mother's approval, well, I'm sorry but forget it. I'm perfectly content with my single status, my cozy apartment, my cat Rambo and my quiet evenings watching classic movies and reading steamy, romance books (I really cannot stand those bang-shabang stories.) And, though I'm new here, I like my job very much. It's really interesting even though my co-workers aren't very patient with me. I work very well but god am I slow! I'm very perfectionist actually.

As for men… No comment. My dad died in the Viet-Nam war before I was born. Gladys' husband is never there (I suspect he has a mistress but I have, of course, not told anything to Gladys). Alice changes boyfriend once a week (literally!). And, I… Well, I have had my share of boyfriends; in other words, one. One too many, actually.

To make a long story short, I live alone (except for Rambo), I try to stay away from my crazy mother and psychotic sisters as much as possible, I haven't had a relationship with anyone for five years and, honestly, I'm perfectly happy.

But, as I watch the scene in front of me, I can't help but feel a moment of loneliness. Maybe it is time to get a boyfriend. Or maybe it's just that I feel that Tony Almeida is the hottest guy on the planet and I'm insanely jealous of Michelle Dessler.

Yeah, I know, it seems weird hearing it from _me_. But, let's face it, the guy has got (or rather _is_) something and, no, I am not made of wood.

I don't want to ruin their love story or anything (though I doubt it'll go far, considering neither one of them has made the first step). I just wish there would be a hot guy who would drop from the sky and maybe show a bit of interest towards me (I highly doubt this is probable).

Right now, he's hunched over her computer and occasionally throws a 'casual' glance in her direction. As for her, she's trying to listen to what he's saying but it's obvious she wants to turn around and jump him on the spot.

Ah… True love… Isn't it wonderful?


	7. A Secret Life

**Okay, fellow readers, let me warn you: this is not at all my best chapter. I had a bit of trouble with the whole thing, especially since I don't remember all the events from season 3. Don't say I didn't warn you :-D**

**The following takes place right before season 3. Events do not occur in real time.**

**(By the way, the two schools that Shani and Shawn go to probably don't exist. They are a pure figment of my imagination.)**

**A DAY IN THE LIFE** – _The Beatles_

**Chapter 7 – A Secret Life**

_A Secret Life_, 2000 – Starring Penny Johnson Jerald as Hope

**TONY**

My idea of a good day isn't being waken up by the phone at five in the morning… when today I actually start work at ten.

That's exactly what happened. _Dring, dring, dring_, the phone insisted.

_Damn, this better be important._

"Cee-Tee… Uh hello," I said, suddenly remembering that this was my home phone.

The man on the other line seemed nervous but familiar. "Uh sorry. Wrong number." And he hung up.

_What the…_

Whatever. I hung up, exhausted and slipped back into bed. I almost forgot about the call.

Next to me, Michelle was stirring. She yawned. "Good morning sweetheart. Is it time to wake up yet?"

I smiled. "Not quite. It's five."

She stood up at once. "What? Who the hell called us at five in the morning?"

"I don't know. This man that got a wrong number."

She didn't like that. "Wrong number?"

"Yeah. Wrong number…" Why was she acting so weird?

She got out of bed and ran to the phone. She picked it up and dialled 69. After listening for a few seconds, she groaned.

_O-kay…_

"What? Did you miss your lover's call? Next time, tell him to call less early." I was teasing her but she still threw me an annoyed look.

"Don't be ridiculous."

"Hey, you're the one acting weird. If it isn't Mr. Love, then who is it?"

She hesitated. "It's… Danny."

"Danny? Oh my god! Is something wrong? Call him right away!" I grabbed the phone from her. I didn't like Danny very much but I figured that, if he was on his death bed, it would only be fair for him to speak to Michelle before he died.

"Tony…"

I pressed on the redial button. "What?"

"Nothing's wrong. He isn't on his death bed or anything."

_Man, how does she read my thoughts?_ "Okay. Then why is he calling at five in the morning?"

"He calls sometimes just to… talk."

"WHAT?"

A man said 'Hello?' in my ear but I ignored him. For about a second. "Uh hi."

"Who's this?"

"Danny, it's Tony." I added, "Tony Almeida," just in case he didn't know. "Did you just call a few minutes ago?"

"Er yes. Could I speak to Michelle please?"

_No, you fucking psychotic bastard._ "Of course." I smiled sweetly at Michelle and gave her the phone. "Here, your darling brother wishes to speak to you."

She mouthed 'Sorry' and took the phone. "Hello Danny."

I sat down at the table and picked up yesterday's newspaper, thumbing through it but not really reading. I could hear Michelle talking.

"I was asleep." (pause) "I'm fine." (pause) "Okay." (pause) "Fine, but I know all of this already!" (pause) She sighed. "What do you want from me Danny?" (pause) "What?" (pause)

And so on, so forth. I peeked from behind my newspaper. Michelle was gesturing all over, obviously exasperated. She looked at me, sensing my amusement and pulled her tongue out at me. It made me wonder how two siblings could be so incredibly different: one charming, simple, smiley, smart and kind-hearted and the other a sociopath, difficult, whiney, stupid and mean (okay, so maybe I'm exaggerating a tiny bit).

_Thank god I got the better end of the deal!_

**MICHELLE**

The day was not starting very well for me. It was five o'clock in the morning and I was speaking on the phone with my brother.

_Danny dearest. What a surprise._

And it sure wasn't. Danny was always calling me. And, every time Tony picked up, he would fake something. Once, he even pretended to be a bible salesman. Danny Dessler, who has been an atheist since he set foot on earth.

Desperate indeed.

He used to call me once every two, three weeks just to check on me. That was okay with me. I dealt with it as much as could. Since the CTU incident, I started avoiding him as he avoided me. The incident had different impacts on our lives: it found me a husband, it lost him his wife. Lisa, his then wife and one of my close friends, decided that enough was enough and severed the rope. For good. She won custody of the children. For once, I believed he truly deserved it. I mean, come on! How dare he come and barge in everyone's lives? Yes, it was selfish of me to think like that of my own brother but he had no right to do this to me… and everyone else.

Danny had not always been like this. The big 'change' happened after Izzie and mom died. I understand that losing a little sister and a mother can change someone but, after all, I went through the exact same thing he did! Not only that, but I was younger and I had no one. He was married and had twins on the way.

Anyways, there he was rambling on in my ear. The conversation started innocently enough.

"Hello Danny."

"Michelle! I called you a few minutes ago but you didn't answer…"

"I was asleep."

He didn't seem to get the message. "Oh. Well, how are you?"

_Apart from being exhausted, annoyed and tired of you calling me ALL THE TIME, I'm perfectly fine. Really!_ "I'm fine."

"Okay. Um, Shani got accepted at Valley High."

"Okay."

"And Shawn is enrolling in the sports program at John Hingston."

_Why is he telling me things I already know?_ "Fine, but I know all of this already!"

"Really? Did you speak to Lisa?" I could hear the jealousy in his voice.

I sighed. "What do you want from me Danny?"

"Montreal."

"What?" This was getting really funny, like talking to my grand-mother when I was a teen. She would warn me against boys and make-up and the evils of high school. Not that needed any warning.

"Let's go to Montreal! We can go skating, visit our old house, go see grandma and grandpa's grave…"

"What?" I said again, exasperated. I wasn't really listening, more interested in making faces at Tony.

"I bought the tickets," he said, as if it would make me pay attention.

And it did. Oh boy, did it ever! "WHAT?"

"Are you listening to me? I said, let's go to Montreal! Don't you miss the old days? Our childhood? Maybe I can talk Dad into…"

"What are you talking about Danny? When did this happen? When are the flights?"

"On Monday?"

"MONDAY?" Today was Thursday.

"Yeah, I figure you can maybe take a few weeks off."

"A few weeks off? I can't just start gallivanting and take a vacation when I feel like it…"

"It's Tony, isn't it?"

"What does Tony have to do with any of this?"

"He's the one making you stay. He won't let you see me anymore! God knows he hates me…"

"Danny! Listen to yourself! Do you even know who I am anymore? Do you think I would let my husband decide my life? Tony has nothing against you! He even was the one to call you when he found out you were the one who called at five in the morning! He was worried about you, Danny. Worried!"

"Bull. He wasn't worried. He was acting like that to get your sympathy."

_Oh please. Give me a break!_ "Sympathy. You think Tony called you because he wanted your sympathy…"

"I warned you against him Michelle! I'm telling you, he's evil… He manipulates you, he doesn't love you, he only wants to control you and turn you into a Tony-clone machine! He…"

"He's my husband, he's a wonderful man and I love him. Bye Danny." I hung up.

I closed my eyes and leaned my forehead against the wall, ignoring the stupid phone ringing again. It was most probably Danny calling to blast me. I really didn't need this right now. Soon, I felt a hand on my shoulder.

"You okay?" Tony sounded worried.

I laughed. "No, not really."

"What did he do to you again?"

"He wants to go to Montreal. Montreal, damn it!"

"Montreal?"

"Yes. He bought the tickets and wants to leave on Monday."

"Montreal?" he said again.

"Yeah, he was pulling the big 'I miss you' act. Trust me, you don't know what he's been doing for the past few months. Every morning…"

Every morning. For the past few months, he had been calling every morning with a new excuse every day. 'Let's go back to Montreal!' 'Let's rent a cottage!' 'I miss the old days!' Didn't he think I missed the old days? When we got along well? When he was a normal and kind human being? When I could trust him, when he could trust me? But life changes. People change. And you can't do much about it but deal with it.

**TONY**

I couldn't believe my ears. Danny Dessler was calling our house at five in the morning because he wanted to drag his sister to Montreal? Talk about acting like a freak.

Michelle sat down on the floor and closed her eyes. "I love him so much but he's driving me nuts. You have no idea…"

"Why don't you tell me?"

She leaned against the wall. "He calls me every morning to complain. It used to be about his wife but then she left him so now it's me. 'Michelle, come and visit me!' 'Michelle, let's go on a trip together!' He comes up with these weird souvenirs from our childhood in Montreal once in a while."

"I see…"

"And then, he starts rambling on and on. And I get frustrated and hang up. But, then, I regret it and feel horrible. Am I a horrible person, Tony?"

"No, of course not…" But I wasn't really listening. What puzzled me was the fact that he had been calling every morning and not once was I the one to answer the phone. Weird…

"And you probably answered the phone about twenty times but every time he pretends to be someone else. He's scared of you, Tony. He's scared…" She started laughing hysterically. "I'm tired. I hate him."

I swear, she must be a medium or something. What else could explain the fact that she can guess what I'm thinking about all the time? I sat down next to her and brushed a stray curl from her face. "You don't…"

"Oh yes I do…" She got tearful. "I'm sick and tired of all of this. I'm so stressed out. I don't need this on top of everything!" She turned away from me.

"Hey…" I took her face and turned it towards me. "Hey, listen to me. Everything is going to be alright."

She looked at me dubiously.

"I'm telling you. In three days, we both get a day off. You want to do something special?"

She smiled a bit. "Yeah…"

"How about a cooking class?"

Her smile got wider.

"No, wait. That would be dangerous for the teachers."

She laughed and hit me. "That's not nice!"

"I know, I know… I just wanted to make you laugh."

She kissed me on the cheek and stood up. "Thanks…"

I followed her back into the bedroom. "Hey, guess what else?"

"What?"

"I got a call from Larry yesterday… and he said he would call me today."

Her eyes lit up. "Really?"

"Yes, really. And he believes you have a lot potential. He's just looking to see if there is a position for you."

Which actually wasn't exactly true.

Yesterday evening, I received a call. "CTU, Almeida."

"Tony, it's Larry."

"Oh, hey."

"It's about the job requests…"

Right away, I got the wrong idea. "I didn't get it, did I?"

He seemed surprised. "What are you talking about? You got it!"

"What?"

"Well, it's not official yet. I still have to talk to Nate."

Thoughts of a new life, a new house, a new city and new jobs for Michelle and I filled my mind. "Wow! That's great!"

"Yes. Now, in Michelle's case…"

_Oh damn…_ "Michelle what?"

"Don't get me wrong. She has plenty of potential and we would love to have her with us but…"

_But…_

"I haven't found any position for her yet. I'm still looking but, Tony…"

"Of course. I understand."

"Don't keep her hopes up too much. Get her ready for the news."

"Is it really that bad?"

He sighed. "I'm afraid so. We had one position but we just met a candidate who has more experience than Michelle… It's an opportunity we can't miss."

"Alright. Thanks."

_Don't keep her hopes up too much_, he said. _Get her ready for the news._ But, right now, she was ecstatic, jumping around and giving me kisses, Danny's call long forgotten. Tell me, how do you tell someone so happy that the cause of their happiness isn't true? How? You don't, that's how you do it.

* * *

Soon after, we went back to bed. I laid down next to her for a few minutes until she fell asleep. I grabbed my cell phone from the night table and went to my office. I turned on my laptop and dialled Jack's number.

"CTU, Bauer."

"Hey. It's Tony."

"Oh, hey."

"Did I wake you?"

"Of course not." I could almost see him smirking on the other side of the line. "Today's a big day."

"Yeah. Are you ready?"

He hesitated. "Yes," he said finally, very un-Jack Bauer-ly.

I felt there was more to his response than he cared to show. "Jack… Are you sure about this? We can always t-"

He cut me off. "I'm sure. We worked a year on this. I'm not about to throw it all away. It's not like I haven't done worse…"

We both laughed. "Okay…"

"How's the wife?"

"The wife is sleeping and I'm in deep shit." I sat down in my chair and typed a few passwords.

"Uh oh. What did you do now?"

"Well, in case you haven't noticed, I've been hiding this whole operation from her for a whole year. I don't like having this whole 'secret life'."

"Oh, yeah…"

"And I told her Larry Hertzog from Langley had a job for her… That was, uh, kind of a lie."

"Ouch."

"I mean, she was so happy about it! I didn't want to break the news to her… Anyway, want to go over it a last time?"

"Sure, why not…"

"Alright. At one, you and Chase head to the Federal prison. Ramon Salazar's gonna be waiting for you."

"Hip, hip, hurray." He didn't seem very enthusiastic.

"I guess you aren't too happy about that…"

He sighed. "Why should I be? Ramon's a fucking bastard."

"Do you have the prison plans?"

"Yeah. Listen, on second thought, I think I'll be okay. I'm going to rest a bit, okay?"

"Yeah, sure… Have you spoken to Gael yet?"

"No, he's supposed to call me in a few minutes."

"Do you want me to call him?"

"Nah, it's okay."

"Jack… What if this doesn't work? What if we missed something?"

"We have to hope for the best. I think we covered pretty much everything. Listen, I really have to go, okay?"

"'Kay." I added "Good luck," but I don't think he heard me. Which, really, was too bad. 'Cause he sure as hell needed luck.

**MICHELLE**

At around seven, I woke up abruptly from a nightmare.

I don't often have nightmares but when I do, they're bad. Like, for example, I once dreamt that aliens had tied me up and were poking me in the rib. I woke up screaming in pain. It was a dream, of course, but the poking was real: Tony had his elbow in my rib.

That morning, I dreamt I was in a shopping mall. Then, a faceless man threw me into a big bag and dragged me away. I kept on kicking but he took a big wooden stick and hit the bag until I was sore all over. But that was not all. After a few minutes, he threw the bag on the floor and opened it. He took me out… and put Tony inside instead. I started hitting the faceless man and screaming.

"Tony! Get out of the bag! Get out, now!"

He only looked at me sadly and crawled in, dejectedly. "It's the only thing I can do."

The only thing he could do?

_It's the only thing I can do._

_It's the only thing I can do._

_It's the only thing I can do._

_It's the only thing I can do._

_IT'S THE ONLY THING I CAN DO._

And then-

I woke up. I was buried under a big cover but I was still shivering. Now, I have never been religious or superstitious but it all felt so… real. I was wondering whether this all meant something when Tony grabbed my wrist and pulled me closer to him.

"This isn't getting to be a nice morning, is it?" he mumbled in his pillow.

I beamed. "Just a bad dream."

He turned his head and kissed the top of my head. "I'll always be there to protect you."

_I know. I could see that in the nightmare. But, why didn't you get out of the bag?_

Of course, I didn't say that. "I know…"

"You hungry?"

"Not really."

"Mmm… 'kay…"

He slowly drifted back to sleep.

I brushed the hair out of his face and kissed him softly. Yes, I had just had a nightmare. Yes, I had received a call from my psychotic brother. But I most surely had a new job waiting for me. I was in a nice comfortable bed with my husband. Work didn't start until ten.

Life was good.

**Next week (or eventually)… Chapter 8 – You've got mail: Tony finds something he wasn't expecting in the mailbox. Between season 3 and 4.**


	8. You've Got Mail

**The following takes place between seasons 3 and 4 (right after Chapter 5 – The not-so-Absolute Truth). Events do not occur in real time.**

**A DAY IN THE LIFE** – _The Beatles_

**Chapter 8 – You've Got Mail**

_You've Got Mail_, 1998 – Starring Reiko Aylesworth as a thanksgiving guest (not a very career defining role but who cares?)

**A- A day in Tony's life**

Five days before, I had called Michelle and she still hadn't given sign of life. Four days before, I had found out Lena's mother was sick. Three days before, my parents had visited me and it ended with a fight. Two days before, I had finished the beer and the stores were closed because of STUPID President's Day (who the hell closes for President's Day?). A day before, my car had broken down on the way to the now-open stores. I just thought I had had enough bad luck for a long time.

That was before today.

As you know, since I left _Gazpacho Andaluz_, I never really had outside contact with anyone except Lena, which was why checking the mailbox was a new 'hobby' for me (sad but true). Lena's frequent letters were often followed by bills, more bills, even more bills and, sometimes but rarely, letters from long lost friends who were congratulating me on getting out of prison, a bit late but better now than never.

Though it wasn't really something to be congratulated about.

That very fateful day though, there was nothing in the mailbox. Nothing at all. Not even a tacky get well card from my sister's childhood friend Dakota I could get a laugh out of (I don't know why but she was always sending me these cards with these very cheesy messages like 'Smile bright 'cause the bugs could bite!' or 'I love you more than a big ice cream cone'. I don't want to be vain or anything (not that it's anything to be proud of…) but I highly suspect she has had a major crush on me since we met… fifteen years ago).

Dejected, I was about to go back inside when the mailman, who was passing, called out to me.

"Hey Tony!"

I turned around. "Oh. Hey Jerry."

"Guess what? I've got some mail for you!"

I felt a glimmer of hope. "Yeah?"

"Uh huh. Big yellow envelope. From your secret girlfriend?"

Whenever Jerry made these wisecracks remarks, I got very angry but, this time, for an unknown reason, I just smiled and said, "Nah. Must be from my pen pal."

"Pen pal, girl friend, secretary… Same difference. Anyways, here you go." He reached into his big bag and tossed me a big envelope. "Oh yeah. Another small letter for you too." He held out a small white envelope.

"Thanks," I said.

I went back inside the house, closing the door behind me. I looked at the little envelope. On the upper right corner, it was written _Lena Marquez._

I frowned.

_Wait a minute… If this is from Lena, what is in the big envelope?_

When Jerry gave me the yellow package, I thought it might be Lena sending in one of her projects (graded 'A' as usual). But I highly doubted she would send two different packages. Plus the writing on the other one was different.

I hurriedly opened Lena's letter first. It was scribbled on a loose-leaf sheet of paper.

Tony.

Mama is getting worse. I didn't think cancer went this fast. The thing is, I think she deserves it. I must be the world's worst _hija_ but I don't care anymore. I'm serious. Since Simón's birth, she's been acting more and more stupid. She screws her bosses, she loses one job after another, she drinks like a sailor, she dresses cheap… And we're talking about my own _madre_ here. Maybe she deserves it but I don't. We don't.

Yesterday, Simón started getting impatient. He wanted to see mama. I had to lie. Lie to my own brother about his mother's death (because we both know that there is little hope left). All while Mama was agonising in the guest bedroom (I locked the door but it's getting harder and harder to hide her). I told him she went on a trip with Danielo who, let me remind you, has disappeared from our sight since he learnt about her illness. It seems it's scaring everyone away.

I tried calling _abuela_ but she didn't want to speak to me. Why? Because Mama didn't come for _abuelo_'s funeral. Five fucking years ago. You'd think people would start forgiving you when you're on your death bed but I guess we live in a too proud society.

About the scaring away part, it's not just true for Mama: it's affecting my reputation at school too. Teachers never talk to me or pick me to answer a question anymore. My friends stay away from me. The stupid popular girls whisper behind my back, as if I didn't hear them. Even Charles doesn't speak to me anymore. He's a shallow imbecile.

Everyone thinks I need 'space'. That's bullshit. I need people around me, not away from me. Who do I have left? Simón _solamente_. And you. But I wish you would write. Are you even reading this? I need you more than ever now.

I hate mom.

I hate everyone.

I hate myself.

She didn't even bother signing. And I knew I had to write to her. After all this time, I had to let her know that I was here for her. That her letters were actually the high point of my day.

But first thing first… The other envelope.

I put down Lena's letter and opened the yellow package.

What I pulled out was a stack of paper. Like a kind of contract or something. Then my mouth dropped open. Literally.

The headline was REQUEST FOR DIVORCE.

_Oh no. Oh god no. Please no._

But, whether I wanted it or not, she had sent them. The fucking divorce papers. But I would not sign them. Never, ever, ever, ever. Because Michelle was my wife. Mine only. I would never let her go.

* * *

It actually took me fifteen minutes before I did sign them. During that time, I thought about the whole thing. Even if I didn't sign them, she would still get what she wanted. She could cite all kinds of things against me and she would garner everybody's sympathy. Because, really, no one likes a traitor. 

Yes, I signed the fucking papers but it did not mean I agreed. I didn't agree at all. I didn't even read the stupid requirements. I had risked all for her: my job, my life, my liberty… my marriage.

And it dawned on me. I had risked my marriage. Why was this such a surprise? I should have anticipated it. Saving Michelle meant the end of our marriage. How ironic. I had prevented the end of Michelle… but couldn't prevent the end of 'us'.

It made me so angry I threw the papers to the floor. Then, I took a paper and started writing. I wrote and wrote and wrote until my hand hurt. Then, without thinking twice, I picked up the papers and the letter and put them in the return envelope.

I couldn't bring myself to put the envelope in the mailbox. At least, not yet. This would seal my fate.

Six hours later, I had drunk myself silly. I picked up the envelope and headed outside, slamming the door behind me.

I walked to the closest mailbox, which was six blocks away. Without another thought, I threw the package in. Then, I sat down on the curb and waited.

Waited for what? I can't tell you because I have no idea. Waited for someone to come? Waited for something to happen? I don't know. All I know is that, after a few minutes, I realised something. I had put the letter in the same envelope as the divorce papers. And the letter was for Lena, not for Michelle.

_Oh shit. Oh shiiiiit._

I stood up at once and tried to open the mailbox. Seeing that didn't work, I banged on it.

"FUCK! OPEN! COME ON, FUCKING MAILBOX!"

I don't know how much time the banging lasted. I just know it stopped around the time when someone opened the window and yelled 'SHUT THE FUCK UP, BUM! GO BACK TO YOUR NEIGHBOURHOOD!'.

_The mailbox isn't opening. Go back home._

"Sorry," I said aloud to no one in particular. "I'm so sorry…"

I wondered what was worse: the fact that Lena would never receive my letter or that Michelle would find out how pitiful I had become.

**B- A day in Michelle's life**

If someone had told me Tony would sign the papers, I never would have sent them.

It's kind of ridiculous, really. I sent the divorce papers… but I really thought he wouldn't sign them. How do I explain it? Let's say you're expecting your grandmother for supper. You really don't want to see her because you know that, the whole time, she'll be nagging you. 'Why don't you have a boyfriend?' 'Stop working too much!' 'When are you going to learn how to cook and clean like a real housewife?' And you don't want to deal with that crap. At all. So you're angry and frustrated but you prepare yourself for her arrival. Then, poof! A few hours before the supper, your grandmother calls you to say she's going to play mah-jong with her friend Mary instead. And, surprising at it may seem, you feel disappointed. Maybe it's because you had prepared everything already. Maybe it's because, deep down inside, you like being fussed over. Maybe it's because, even if she is really annoying sometimes, you love your grandmother. No matter what the reason, you're disappointed and, mostly, you're hurt.

Why did I send them, then? I don't know. Maybe as a wake-up call or something. Something to push him off the couch and wake him up.

Well. My great "plan" backfired. It fucked up.

It all started when I called Monty Shapiro. Monty was our lawyer. He had stood by us during the treason case and the trials. But, as much as Monty was a good lawyer, he was greedy. He wanted money. So, when I told him about the divorce papers, he didn't hesitate. No 'Are you sure about this, Michelle?' or 'Isn't this a bit too sudden, Michelle?'. No beating around the bush. I wanted the papers, he wanted the money. That's it, that's all.

Right away, he made the arrangements. Did I want to arrange a meeting? How did I want to separate the belongings? I told him to send them by mail and that Tony could keep all the everything. I had what I needed.

So I waited. I tried to focus on other things so I wouldn't think about it too much but, in the end of the day, in bed, I would always go over my decision. It was the wrong thing to do, I knew it. And I was sure Tony would never agree. He still loved me, no?

Obviously not.

Not more than ten days after the papers were sent, Monty called me.

"Hello?"

"Hi. It's Monty Shapiro."

"Hey Monty. How are you?"

He didn't answer and the words popped out of my mouth. "He signed…"

"Yes," he said.

_Damn it. DAMN IT!_ "Uh, that's good?" My tone wasn't very convincing but, at that point, I couldn't care less about how I sounded.

"Yes. Michelle…"

"Yeah?"

"There's something else."

My stomach plummeted. "What is it?"

"There's a letter… but it's not for you."

I started feeling very dizzy. "Wh-what?"

"I have it here. I was going to pass by tomorrow for the confirmation but-"

I closed my eyes. "Yeah. That's good. Can you bring the letter too?"

"Of course. Tomorrow, two?"

"Yes. I have to go. Thanks Monty."

I hung up and crumpled to the floor.

_Now it's really over._

Monty's visit could not arrive fast enough for me. I practically had a panic attack when the clock struck two and Monty still wasn't there. At approximately 2:06 PM, my doorbell rang. I jumped up and ran to the door.

"Michelle?" came Monty's voice over the intercom.

"Yes. Come on up."

When he came up, he tried to hug me but I pulled away.

"Cut the crap Monty. Let's do this."

Monty, being Monty, understood and took out the papers.

"Okay…" he started. "So, considering Tony sent the papers right after he received them, he probably didn't read the requirements. Do you still agree with all of this? You really don't want to keep anything?"

"No."

"Alright. Just sign here and we're done."

I took the pen and twirled it between my fingers. After a while, Monty got impatient.

"Just sign it Michelle. You can't back out now!"

I figured he was right so I signed hurriedly and threw the pen on the table.

"There. Happy?" I settled down against the chair.

He nodded but he didn't smile. "I brought the letter…"

My head jerked up. "Let me see."

He sighed. "Is this a good idea, Michelle?"

_Wow! That's a first! Monty Shapiro is worried about me!_

"Yeah, yeah. Just let me see."

He pulled out a sheet of paper. "I don't know if this is a ploy to manipulate you or if he just wants to make you feel guilty, but don't take it seriously, okay? He's not your husband anymore, he c…"

I cut him off. "Yes. I know."

"Suit yourself." He gave me the letter.

The letter had evidently been written in a hurry. It was addressed to a certain Lena.

Lena. A girl. He had met a girl.

_Bastard. No wonder he signed the papers so fast._

Lena,

I meant to write to you. I really did. I just didn't have the time. And the energy. And the will.

But something bad happened. Really bad. Michelle sent the divorce papers. It's over. At first, I didn't want to sign. But I knew I had too. What else could I do? I never thought this would happen.

I love her. And I hate her. She had no right to just leave me there. I know I pushed her away but couldn't she have given me time? I didn't tell anyone about this but a few days ago, I called her. At her new apartment. She has a new apartment, Lena. Did she meet someone? Is that why she's leaving me? The house is big and lonely without her. I still remember her curls spread on the pillow when we woke up in the morning (god I love her hair). Does she miss me? I guess not if it has come to this.

I'm sorry I didn't write earlier. I hope I will have the courage to move on. I have to.

Sincerely, Tony

The letter left me confused. Who the hell was Lena? She obviously wasn't his girlfriend. Was she a friend of his? His shrink? And why was the letter in my package?

I put the letter back on the table and closed my eyes. Monty touched my arm.

"Michelle…"

I looked at him wearily. "I'm sorry. Could you please leave?"

"Mi-"

"I said, leave."

I didn't have to ask another time. He grabbed his things and left.

All night in bed I couldn't sleep.

When I was young, I read a book I didn't like very much. Judy Blume, I think. It was about this beautiful girl every one thought should become a model. Then, one day, the doctor tells her she has a back condition and that she's going to have to wear a back brace… for 4 years. Basically, she starts going a bit crazy and the first thing she does is chop all her hair off.

When I read the book for the first time, I thought she had serious mental problems. I mean, you just don't cut your hair off. It's crazy.

But, that night, I grabbed the scissors and went crazy. Chop, chop, chop! Off it goes!

"You like my hair, huh? YOU LIKE MY FUCKING HAIR? HERE!" I threw clumps of hair at the mirror. "TAKE IT! TAKE IT ALL! TAKE MY FUCKING HAIR, ASSHOLE!"

When I was done, my hair was considerably shorter and un-equal. I figured if I straightened it and cut it equally, I could pass for normal.

So I scheduled an appointment with my hairdresser for the next day (Though, she seemed pretty pissed about receiving a call from me at two in the morning. I wonder why…)

I went back to bed, pretty shaken up and, oh, so sad.

But, in my head, all of this was a façade. Tony was coming back one day or another. And when he would, I would welcome him with open arms. Because, god, I loved him.

**Next week (or eventually)… Chapter 9 – Ask Me Again: After a hard day of work, the two meet again. Have they forgottenabout their "agreement"? Post-season 2.**


End file.
